The entire Nap Lapkin saga in one place. Send to everyone you've ever met to remind them of how odd you really are.… https://t.co/7CXKnRxgdd (3 days ago)

“Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”

Henry Louis Mencken

frequently asked questions

  1. Full interview from Laurie’s Non-paranormal Thoughts & Reviews

    Given the nature of her website Laurie chose not to include a lot of the questions she posed to me. Here is the interview in its entirety:

     

    Laurie: Tell us about your current release.

    Lance: Merciful Flush is a collection of mostly humorous short stories I wrote over the past 5 years of blogging. The idea is that it acts as a catalyst for the readers imagination as opposed to the typical writing goal of immersion. Hopefully they inspire the reader to a unique idea of their own.
    Laurie: Tell us about your next release.

    Lance: More of the same… although the next book I might have someone look over it for grammatical errors and such. Probably not though.
    Laurie: Who is your favorite author?

    Lance: Douglas Adams… with PG Wodehouse a close second.
    Laurie: When in the day/night do you write?

    Lance: Usually in the morning.

    Laurie: How long per day?

    Lance: 15-20 minutes.
    Laurie: What is the hardest part of writing your books?

    Lance: Pimping them after they are released. Very humbling and it’s hard to write anything new and/or interesting while you’re selling the old stuff.
    Laurie: Where do you research for your books?

    Lance: Google and Wikipedia. Instantly I know everything I need to know on any subject matter. If it requires more research I will just make up the facts.
    Laurie: What was one of the most surprising things you learned while writing your books?

    Lance: That I am incapable of writing a long story. Everyone thinks they can if they put their mind to it but I found I just don’t have the attention span. I also found that the subconscious is much more active than I would have ever thought, which is why I try not to edit or rewrite any short story for fear of losing all the things I didn’t mean to  write.
    Laurie: How do you describe your writing style?

    Lance: Blurry.
    Laurie: Plotter or Pantser? Why?

    Lance: Absolutely a Pantser. I write for my own amusement so I really like when something leaks into a story that I hadn’t intended. Between typos, grammatical errors, subtext, Freudian Slips  and double entendres  I’m finding that there are rarely ‘mistakes’, just unintended roads to go down.
    Laurie: Do you listen to music while writing and if so what?

    Lance: Almost always. A mix of 80’s music and new artists. If I find a new song I like I will play it relentlessly as I write.
    Laurie: What books have most influenced your life?

    Lance: The Razor’s Edge by  W. Somerset Maugham, Catch-22  by Joseph Heller, Still Life With Woodpecker  by Tom Robbins,  Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy  by Douglas Adams
    Laurie: What book are you reading now?

    Lance: Three Men and a Boat   by Jerome K. Jerome
    Laurie: What songs are most played on your Ipod?

    Lance: “I’ll Believe in Anything” by Wolf Parade, “Kid Gloves” by Marmaduke Duke and “Maps” by The Front Bottoms.
    Laurie: What group did you hang out with in high school?

    Lance: I was a nerd before it was cool to be a nerd. I ran with the Dungeons & Dragons crowd.
    Laurie: Do you have a Website or Blog?

    Lance: Yes, I blog daily at www.lancemanion.com
    Laurie: What question do you wish I would ask?

    Lance: How big is your penis?

    Laurie: Your answer?

    Lance: Enormous. I am physically unappealing so it’s my most redeeming feature.

    Laurie: Is there a piece of advice that you have received that has really stuck with you?

    Lance: Yes

    Laurie: What was it?

    Lance: Stop looking at me.

    Laurie: If you could select one book that you could rewrite and add your own unique twist on, which book would that be and why?

    Lance: The Bible. More car chases, more explosions and at least one scene where a girl runs through the woods and has her top torn off.

    Laurie: What do you think makes a good story?

    Lance: Finding the 1 ‘Degree of Separation’ between 2 odd and seemingly unrelated  thoughts.
    Laurie: What are your favorite TV shows?

    Lance: Joy of painting. Two Fat Ladies. Big Bang Theory. Justified.
    Laurie: What do you do to unwind and relax?

    Lance: Masturbate.
    Laurie: Who should play you in a film?

    Lance: Matthew McConaughey because I’m always shirtless.
    Laurie: What would we find under your bed?

    Lance: Whom would be the correct was of asking that. Hold on. Actually, a corpse is a ‘what’ so I guess you asked it the right way. My bad.
    Laurie: Do you have any suggestions for beginning writers?

    Lance: I wrote a story that was ‘advice’ for painters but the same holds true for writers… always feel like a fraud. The moment you feel like a fellow artist every handshake or slap on the back will be an unwelcome reminder that you’ve become one of them.
    Laurie: At what point in your life did you realize you wanted to be a writer?

    Lance: When I received my rejection letter from clown college.
    Laurie: What would you consider to be the best book you have ever read?

    Lance: Still Life With Woodpecker  by Tom Robbins
    Laurie: How do you react to a bad review of your book?

    Lance: I wonder why more reviewers don’t feel the same way. They usually make some very valid points.
    Laurie: Have you ever read or seen yourself as a character in a book or movie?   

    Lance: Yes. In a crowd scene in Conan the Barbarian. In the market buying something. A vendor maybe… but probably buying something.

    Laurie: What is the next big thing?

    Lance: eBooks. Even as we speak pretentious brie-eating dinosaurs are huddled at some cocktail party in New York completely unaware that soon they will be irrelevant and the small writing mammals will be able to reach an audience without them. The technology meteor is coming and I can’t wait.

    Laurie: Describe what it’s like to be an author in three words.

    Lance: Cold metal probe.

    Laurie: What one word best describes you?

    Lance: Nerd.

    Laurie: Use no more than two sentences. Why should we read your book?

    Lance: You owe it to yourself.

    Laurie: Entice us, what future projects are you considering?

    Lance: Looking to release a 3rd collection in the fall/winter… except this time I’m writing it knowing it will become a book as opposed to the first 2 that were just blogs that ended up in a book. No real difference though if I stop and think about it. Same stupid stuff.

    Laurie: You just won a huge lottery what is the first thing you’ll buy?

    Lance: Bigger ass implants.

    Laurie: Do you have a favorite quote, quip, or saying and if so what is it?

    Lance: “Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.” – Muhammad Ali

    Laurie: Is there one passage in your book that you feel gets to the heart of your book and would encourage people to read it?

    Lance: Yes.

    Laurie: Can you share it?

    Lance: No.

     

    The interview as it appeared can be found here: Laurie’s Non-paranormal Thoughts & Reviews

     

  2. IndieView asks some good questions.

    Check out my answers here.

  3. 18 questions answered flippantly

    Please forgive me but I find this interview funny. Read it here.

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