The entire Nap Lapkin saga in one place. Send to everyone you've ever met to remind them of how odd you really are.… https://t.co/7CXKnRxgdd (3 days ago)

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Dec
6

great ball of fire (part 6)

“You’ll never believe the dream I just had” said Nap as he sat up from his commanders chair and surveyed the bridge of the Enterprise.

“The one about your ex-girlfriend communicating to you through fortune cookies?” inquired Madonna.

“No, that’s not a dream. That’s real” said Nap with a little too much force. Madonna knew that Nap believed that one of his ex-girlfriends had the ability to manipulate space and time to ensure that every fortune cookie he ever read would be a reminder of what a fool he was to have lost her. It got to the point that Nap could no longer enjoy a Chinese dinner. He knew he had to be out of the restaurant before the check came or risk getting another way-to-specific-to-be-a-coincidence message from his ex. The last time he opened a cookie the message was so long it took four pieces of the little paper crammed inside the cookie to remind him of what his life would have been like if only he’d been attentive to her needs

“The dream I had involved having to get everyone on Earth together to hear some kind of message” related Nap, still a little frosty about the ex-girlfriend comment.

“Do you think it’s some kind of message from the comet?” asked Jeff Goldblum.

“Well, look who decided to join the party” Nap said with undisguised sarcasm. The truth was that Mr. Goldblum had done nothing their entire journey except sit in his seat and whimper. Nap was getting close to coming to the conclusion that his inclusion was a mistake and he perhaps should have gone with the real scientist. This did not sit well with him at all.

“And another thing Jeff Goldblum… no. My dream has nothing to do with the comet.”

The time to have it out with Jeff Goldblum had arrived.

“And yet another thing Jeff Goldblum … you have been a total disappointment so far.”

“What a shock that is” whispered Madonna under her breath. “Whoever could have seen that coming?” she continued whispering until both Nap and Jeff turned her way to see what all the hushed tones were about.

“My point is” an exacerbated Nap continued “that from this point on you are no longer Jeff Goldblum. You are Chance Goodrod and you are a scientist. If you cannot handle this new role I will be forced to hurl you into the cold depths of space outside this vessel.”

And pivoting quickly vis-à-vis topics “I have also decided to give the comet a name and that name is Bill Haley. If I’m going to communicate with it, it needs a name.” Nap sat back with an air of halting pride plastered on his face from making this important decision.

“That makes no sense” interjected Madonna, causing Nap’s face to become unplastered. Never a good look.

“What do you mean?”

“I think she means” said the newly-minted Chance Goodrod “that it was Bill Haley and the Comets. Bill Haley wasn’t the comet.”

“In fact” rallying to support Goodrod’s argument “if anyone would be Bill Haley it would be you” said Madonna staring at Nap.

A wave of fury broke across Nap’s formerly plastered face. If he were Captain Kirk there would have been no doubt in anyone’s mind he would have slapped a red shirt on both of them and they would have been the first ones down to explore whatever new world they happened to be stopping at. As sure a death sentence as electric chair could hope to be. In fact, for a brief moment he looked at them both and they were both wearing a red shirts and a small smile crept across his face.

To Madonna and Chance the small smile was just about as creepy as a small smile can be.

Composing himself quickly, Nap added “Ok, I will name the comet Comet. Comet the comet. Happy now? No whimsy at all.”

Feeling much bolder since the new role had been bestowed upon him, Chance spoke up again. “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

“Shut up Goodrod” and with that Nap turned to his instrumentation.

They were getting close.

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