2018/2019 (Part 1)
(originally posted 12/31/2018)
On January 31st, 2018 he set off for Reno. The year had been a bitch so he decided that when he arrived at his destination he would call himself Lucky and never tell another soul his real name.
He would stop somewhere in the Midwest and pick up a dog traveling companion. He would name the dog, male or female, Lucky. This, he thought, would make him seem more interesting to whatever women he might meet out there. He even thought it might make him seem endearing.
He had never been endearing before so he thought it was high time.
He liked to refer to 2018 as ‘her’, like the year was a boat or a woman.
She’d been a bit up and down but when he was honest enough with himself to tally up the ‘ups’ and the ‘downs’ the ‘downs’ won hands down. “Luck”, he thought to himself, “can be a lady and still fuck you over.”
The previous day he’d picked up a copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, a gallon of cheap vodka and some orange juice. He needed to read more and he needed to drink more… and he needed to get to Reno.
He would drive a few hours then pull over and make himself a screw driver and sit and read. The book was more than he’d bargained for. Within the first forty one pages there was both
“Young men want to be faithful, and are not;
old men want to be faithless, and cannot; that is all one can say.”
“Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.”
and he felt that somehow 2018 had gotten into the car with him and decided to spend her remaining few hours reminding him of why he set off to Reno in the first place. A last road trip for the two of them.
He never put much stock in tarot cards but on January 30, 2018 he had flipped open a book on them to see what 2019 might hold. Nestled on that page was the Queen of Wands.
“The Queen of Wands reminds you to see through your creative visions and life purpose,
even in the face of adversity and challenge.
The Queen of Wands asks you to be bold and courageous in your undertakings and actions.
The Queen of Wands also indicates that this is the perfect time to put yourself out there
and meet new people.
Finally, the Queen of Wands encourages you to get to know your shadow self – the lesser-known and sometimes darker side of who you really are.”
2018 didn’t like that page one bit… so it seemed perfectly reasonable at the time to throw all of his belongings into his car and head off. Just leave. It was his shadow self that chose Reno. It might have also had a hand in the book he chose. While this Dorian Gray character had yet to start his life of debauchery the book flap promised it was only a matter of time. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, he skipped reading at one of his rest stops and instead downed two screw drivers.
He could feel New Year’s Eve coming. The countdown to her death.
How would he feel?
Around eleven thirty he turned off the radio. He didn’t want to know the exact moment of her demise. She’d been a heartless bitch but they’d also had a few laughs. It wasn’t just her that was dying either. He hummed to himself “We two have paddled in the stream, from morning sun till dine; But seas between us broad have roared since auld lang syne.”
When he felt sure that 2019 had begun he exhaled and smiled. His engine roared.
He was Lucky.