50 Shades of Lame
I think our relationship has reached a certain point now. A point where insinuation is no longer going to do it. I’ve beaten crop circles around that particular bush and obviously that’s not enough for you. Even double entendre concerning a bush and other things that might be beaten won’t suffice.
You want the good stuff and I’m ready to deliver. I’m going to literally put my penis in your vagina now.
That’s right. Brace yourself Bridgett. No more fleeting references to perky breasts. I’m going to come right out and tell you about your nipples and how much they resemble croutons sitting atop hulking balls of creamy cheesecake. Croutons in both stiffness and taste. Usually I would say the glistening going on in regards to the cheesecake went without saying but you need me to come right out and announce it so announce it I will.
When I finally pull out my hose you will suck in your breath and marvel at both its length and thickness as it fills and begins to soak you at a pressure of 16 bar. I begin to explain to you that a bar is a unit of pressure defined as 1,000,000 dynes per square centimeter and is about equal to the atmospheric pressure on Earth at sea level as your body is pinned against the wall by the relentless torrent of cleansing water. I like my dirty girls clean. That way I don’t need to interrupt foreplay with the need for wet wipes.
Let’s put our cards on the table right now. Sexual parables, metaphors or similes just won’t do it for you anymore you jaded whore. You want it all spelled out for you.
So be it.
I’m ready to come up with another way to describe your pale and flabby torso. I will completely leave out the fact that when I slap your ass the ripple travels all the way up your back and probably up your thinning hair, over your hook nose and back down your double chin. I will exaggerate my own physical features in such a way that you will be dizzy with anticipation. An anticipation based largely around being penetrated by a rhinoceros cock. There. I said it. Cock. I’m fully able to ignore the fact that your own erogenous zone looks like an ill-kept capybara with a gunshot wound and instead I will fill your ears with sonnets about unleashing my seed deep within you.
Included in this perverted soliloquy will be the words sweaty, ripened, salty, nutsack and dirt star.
That’s right, take it all in. This is what you want so I’m giving it to you. Let’s talk in great detail about my desire to tie your legs behind your head despite your lack of flexibility. Such is the lust in my heart that I will continue to push your legs back despite your protests and surprisingly earnest attempts at wriggling free. Feeling both your hips dislocate simultaneously will only be the beginning of the unholy pounding I’m going to give you.
Can you feel it?
You don’t need a plot or engaging characters do you? No sir. We both you know you only need one thing and one thing only. A good reason to pull out your largest vibrator and go to town. Vaginatown.
Believe me, I’m ready to be the one that give it to you. I will flip you over and ignore your cries as I prop you up on all fours and whisper in your ears all the things that you can’t allow yourself to hear unless it’s wrapped up in a respectable package and tied up with a best-selling bow. Then I will lube up my hose and cram it right into your tight ass and let ‘er rip.
I know how you like to talk dirty so I will encourage you to scream “I’m a filthy slut” until your vocal cords are as sore as your asshole.
And when I’m done I will hurry off and get the sequel ready in case you’re up for another round any time soon.
Are you not entertained?