a checkered flag

(originally posted 10/20/2017)

NASCAR. An entire sport based on people breaking the law.

The top speed limit in Daytona Beach, Florida is 70 mph. If you are caught going faster you are given a ticket.

Unless of course you do it in the confines of the Daytona International Speedway.

How the fuck did this happen? Everyone there is breaking the law. I want to write my congressman and have the entire track surrounded by police cars and as soon as the race starts start pulling over all the drivers.

Now that would make interesting viewing.

Just because it generates money how does everyone simply look the other way when week after week there are terrible crashes and people and property are destroyed? That’s why there are speed limits to begin with. You can’t have the cake and eat it too NASCAR.

All races should have a top speed of 70 mph. The law is the law. And before you start bellyaching, if you’re a fan of NASCAR, it might not be the worst thing in the world. The race would last a lot longer and there would be fewer wrecks.

Actually it would be a lot lot longer because included in my letter to my congressman is the suggestion to put a toll booth on every track. Why shouldn’t they have to pony up like the rest of when we go out for a drive? They can buy a Fast Pass and if all goes well they wouldn’t even have to come to full stop each of the 500 times they’d have to pass through the gate.

Welcome to my driving experience Mr. Earnhardt Jr. And when I finally make it home every night I never shower myself with champagne or do donuts on my lawn.

It’s called restraint. You should try it sometime Dale.

I’m sick of these grease monkeys wasting our precious gasoline and growing bushy mustaches and dating women that are way too hot for them. Shut down a lane or two every now and then during these big races, see how they handle that stress of passing a group of slackers in orange vests holding shovels 500 times.

Actually, fuck giving them Fast Pass. Make them have to throw correct change into the little bucket 500 times. Imagine the instant replay of an errant dime bouncing out and causing everyone behind that driver to have to wait as he gets out and tries to find it. Tolls would give the pit crew something to do. They’d have to be handing the drivers a fistful of change every stop. Change and coffee to keep them alert. I would imagine sitting in traffic for nine straight hours might take the edge of off of even the most experienced driver.

God forbid there be a fender bender. It always annoyed me that during races there would be some hideous crash and they would just drag the wreck off to the side and continue the race. That’s not how things work in the real world. We are a nation of laws. You have to stop everything and wait for the police to come and file an accident report. I want to see these drivers be accountable. They need to climb out of their cars and exchange insurance information like the rest of us.

At this point your mind must be scrambling to try to come up with the point of all this. It couldn’t be just a mindless rambling mess, at least that’s what you want to believe. Being the hyper-intelligent being you are you’re probably trying to wrestle some metaphor out of it. About applying laws too broadly or maybe the psychological impact of commuting.

Stop.

There was no point. I sincerely want to make the Daytona 500 a nightmare to watch. For no real reason. Because it’s funny.

To me anyway.

Sorry.