a potty shot in the dark

I’m sure that when the inventors and marketers of the game Potty Pot Shots came up with their game they knew it was just a novelty. A goofy gift to give. A joke.

But…

you have to wonder if there was anyone that thought it could be more. That it could catch on. That it could become a sensation.

If you are unfamiliar with Potty Pot Shots, it was a game where you placed little floating ships and submarines into the toilet bowl and then men attempted to sink them with their stream of urine. The more you sunk, the higher your point total.

Be it a daydream or a sincere belief, I wonder if there was perhaps one visionary involved with the product launch that could see it becoming a real sport.

Something played competitively in high school or college.

That maybe one day there would be a professional league.

Or even Potty Pot Shots becoming a global phenomena and that men from all over the world would compete in an Olympic event.

Obviously the longer the man’s penis, the more advantage he would have. Like weight classes in boxing or wrestling. Therefore if it became an Olympic event there would have to be penis size classes. It would be a great honor to be labeled a ‘heavyweight.’

So men from around the world would gather to test their skills at shooting floating targets in an Olympic-sized toilet. Obviously not meaning it would be the size of an Olympic-sized swimming pool, just that the size of the toilet would be strictly regulated.

And during Opening Ceremonies these men would march under a banner announcing them as Potty Shooters and wearing sashes denoting them as Small, Medium, Large and Extra Large. Lots of Asians matching wearing the former, lots of Africans in the latter.

If you don’t think the female competitors from all of the other sports would be taking note, you’re kidding yourself.

Televising the event would also face some challenges. While state-of-the-art blurring technology would be employed to take care of the obvious need for censoring the male organ, allowing a camera to follow the peeing without blocking the view of the competitors might be a challenge. This would be critical because a slow motion recap of a critical, game-winning sinking would be ratings (liquid) gold.

Would it be a live event like every other in the Olympics?

How would competitors react to a crowd watching them?

Inevitably women would want in.

What would be the insurance issues involved with women standing up on the toilet and trying to aim their pee? It seems very risky. The slip and fall lawyers would be lobbying hard against adding females.

How much liquid a competitor can drink before an event would of course have to be closely regulated. Endorsement deals from various beverage manufacturers would flood in.

And speaking of endorsements, athletes competing in this event could become the biggest celebrities on the planet. Nicknames would start at “Cool Hand Luke” and no doubt end with a flurry of phallic double entendres. (Note, I will be tremendously disappointed if you don’t pause here and come up with at least half a dozen)

So in my head this hypothetical Potty Pot Shot enthusiast would sit back and smile as he imagined three men mounting the Olympic pedestal to receive their medals. Their national anthems blaring in the background. A vision he would try to share at the product launch meeting back in 1976 and a vision that he is ridiculed about to this day.