a sea star by the seashore

I guess some would say life as an echinoderm isn’t much fun but then again I suppose it all depends on your perspective. From the human point of view it might seem like we have a dull existence but that’s coming from a species that call us “starfish” when we clearly aren’t fish at all so how much stock can you put in their opinion?

The truth is, from my vantage point on the rocks I’ve seen my share of humans and let me tell you I’m not impressed. I guess it is their complete obliviousness to their own plight that makes them so annoying. Sunrises and sunsets are the worst. Every now and again you get them wandering down the beach alone, shoes in hand as they let the tide come splashing up over their feet. They always get the same look on their face as they gaze out on the ocean, this far-away lost and humbled look. You can see them digesting the bigger issues of life as if they were the first ones to have ever wrestled with them.

That’s the annoying part. Each one of them thinking that they are going to come up with some great insight into life, some epiphany that will change their lives just because they happen to be alone by the ocean for a few minutes.

It’s just fucking sad, that’s what it is.

If I had the ability to talk I’d scream “You think that this moment you’re having is any more profound than the last knucklehead who was here yesterday?!”

But I can’t talk so I have to sit and watch these douche bags suddenly feel a “connection to the universe” that they never felt before because they were so wrapped up in getting cable TV or a new toupee or a blowjob from their girlfriend. It just gets so tired. The whole act.

There was this one guy though. A long time ago.

Not sure why but every night he would come and throw a bottle into the ocean with a hand-written message inside it. I never actually knew what these messages were but dutifully every morning he would come and collect the bottle, unseal it and read them. You see the tide never actually took the bottle anywhere. It would just wash ashore an hour or so later a few feet from where he had thrown in it.

Now that was interesting. I realize that I don’t have a brain (as a human would know it) but let me tell you this … I was dying to find out what he was writing on those notes!

He did this for over a year but one day he got molested by a bull shark and never came back.

That’s right … not attacked. He got molested a few feet from shore. Bet you’ve never seen that shit on Shark Week.