My drawing skills on display. #FunniestTweets #humor #cartoon https://t.co/NK4lmGRvY5 https://t.co/t0AqfS5PBO (17 hours ago)

news&updates

Sep
9

backfired

For the United States, 2017 started with a bang. A very big bang. A bang that reverberated around the world.

A bang that was triggered by years of turning a blind eye to Iran building centrifuges and decades of ignoring the issue of illegal immigration. These two problems, along with thousands of other festering concerns not worthy of actually addressing, joined forces to allow the inauguration of the nation’s 46th President to be interrupted by the detonation of a small nuclear fission bomb. The aforementioned big bang.

The shock wave started by gelignite dissolved in nitroglycerine quickly passed through the explosive lenses and then balls-deep into the Uranium235 and, thus, began a chain reaction that achieved the terrorists’ goal of killing every politician, lobbyist and influential lawyer residing in the country they hated the most, in one terrible flash.

What is it they say about goals? They are made to be broken? No wait. That doesn’t sound right. I think its dreams that are made to be broken. Hmm … nope. Is it eggs or omelets perhaps?

Whatever is made to be broken then that’s what I’m going for.

Best laid plans maybe?

No.

Anyway, after years of careful plan-laying and under the very noses of a government more focused on getting the current representatives elected to another term than actually accomplishing anything on behalf of the people they represent, extremists realized their dream of wiping Washington, DC off the map.

The first domino fell in dramatic fashion. But the thing about dominos is that they tend to run in packs and after one falls then another gets it into its head to fall and so on and so forth until you have something very similar to fission taking place. Or you can liken it to social evolution and the sudden extinction of a failed bloated political system. Meteors and bombs and such. Whichever analogy makes you feel smarter.

The terrorists fucked up.

America got a do-over. You see, what passed for government in 2016 wasn’t what the Founding Fathers had intended and everyone knew it. They were just paralyzed, unable to do anything to change it, because the only people with the power to change anything were the people benefiting from the very corruption of the original ideal. The politicians. The lobbyists. The lawyers. Suddenly the United States had the chance to rectify a very big mistake and they leapt at it.

You see, political service was originally supposed to be akin to jury duty. It was something that citizens were supposed to do for a few years and then return to their normal lives. It was never intended to be the immoral cesspool of greed that existed in 2016. It became worse than even the most cynical patriot in 1776 could have ever imagined.

Now the terrorists who had wanted the destruction of democracy and capitalism had, in fact, resurrected it. It was allowed to be reborn, a indivisible phoenix rising from the tainted ashes. Obviously, the remains of the depraved system didn’t go without a fight but the people rose up as one and threw out anyone with the label of Republican or Democrat and instead filled the newly rebuilt halls of Congress with businessmen and teachers and farmers and accountants and plumbers and even the odd poet. The first law they passed dealt with strict term limits and the second was election reform that made sure for the foreseeable future that only the interests of the people were served. The debt was acknowledged and dealt with. The terrorists and the countries that harbored them were acknowledged and dealt with. The abominations of the free market called corporations were acknowledged and dealt with.

And the best part?

Other countries followed suit. “Off with their heads” became a rallying cry until every last head that wanted to stay attached fell in line.

And still I dreamed on, further into the future than I had ever dreamed before. And this was cloudier cause it was years, years away. But I saw an old couple being visited by their children, and all their grandchildren too. The old couple weren’t screwed up. And neither were their kids or their grandkids. And I don’t know. You tell me. This whole dream, was it wishful thinking? Was I just fleeing reality like I know I’m liable to do? But me and Ed, we can be good too. And it seemed real. It seemed like us and it seemed like, well, our home. If not Arizona, then a land not too far away. Where all parents are strong and wise and capable and all children are happy and beloved. I don’t know. Maybe it was Utah.

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