Brian

(originally posted 1/18/2013)

The biggest complaint his mom had about the first dog was that he kept putting his feet up on the table and she would catch him smoking in the house. He was eventually fired.

Perhaps some explaining is in order.

His mom was allergic to dogs so he was never allowed to have one. The one and only thing he had always wanted was a dog.

His dad got the idea while they down at Disney. They have these character breakfasts where all the various Mickey Mouses and Donald Ducks walk around while the guests eat their fill of eggs and pancakes. The boy was laughing and hugging Goofy when his dad’s eyes seem to light up. If it had been a cartoon I’m sure a lightbulb would have appeared over his head.

His first dog worked from 6 a.m. until 9 p.m. Monday through Saturday. The actor he found was a diminutive man named Brian so they called him Brian. The rules were pretty simple, he was paid well to stay in character the entire time he was at the house. As soon as he crawled in the door he was a dog. If the boy wanted to play fetch he would play fetch. Lick his face? Lick his face. Brian was eventually fired for sitting on the couch with his feet on the table and smoking in the house while the boy was at school. They hired a new dog but his name remained Brian.

Same dog outfit so nothing really changed.

Brians came and went with some regularity. Apparently it wasn’t as easy to be a dog as most people would think. There were good dogs and bad dogs but it was always nice to have one in the house from 6 a.m. until 9 p.m. Monday through Saturday.

When the boy was 15 they got a female dog. The boy would spend hours rubbing her belly. Eventually the dog started rubbing him back. His mother caught the boy fucking the dog through a hole in the costume. His dad, feeling very mixed emotions, was forced to fire the dog. Obviously it was pretty strange to have sex with someone dressed as a dog but what fifteen year old wouldn’t want a pet like that? The dad wished that he could have a dog like that.

His mom complained that they would stain the carpet.

The next Brian was their last.

He was the dog until the boy was grown and off to college.

He was a very faithful companion.

When the boy’s dad died suddenly during his junior year Brian was a pall bearer. Of course he wore the dog costume. His dad would have liked that, although it was nowhere as whimsical as you’d imagine.