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Jun
19

COVID-19 Update: getting hosed

How bored is it getting in Casa de Manion?

Here’s how bored it’s getting. Today I actually poured myself a glass of water to take into the bathroom as I peed. I wanted to feel water entering my body as it exited. The Circle of Urine and whatnot.

That’s the kind of thing you do when all other forms of entertainment have evaporated.

I guess when I think about it, it would really need to be raining into my open mouth to really close the loop.

Problem was, rain or no, just as I started drinking the water went down the wrong pipe. I’m not sure if this is what happens when you pee or if it was just a coincidence, but I had no time to debate such things because once I started coughing the peeing became a bit tricky.

For my devoted female readers I can only ask you to imagine holding a hose between your legs where a man’s penis resides and then try to aim water into a bucket as you cough violently.

How bored is it getting in Casa de Manion?

Here’s how bored it’s getting. As soon as I suggested that any female reading this should go outside and pretend a hose is their penis I had to find out if the experience is actually equivalent.

That’s right. I marched right out into my yard, stuck a hose between my legs and pretended it was nestled up against my vagina. Right in full view of neighbors and passing cars alike.

You could argue that nobody knew what I was actually doing, but let me tell you they knew something horrible was transpiring right in front of their eyes. Maybe it was the way I was gripping the hose or maybe it was all the coughing and flailing, but they knew. Oh they knew alright. I didn’t care though. A neighbor locked eyes with me, imploring me to make it known what it was I was up to, but I just hissed “Your witchcraft won’t work here.”

Maybe it was how feminine I felt for a brief moment. Pretending to be a girl pretending to be a guy brought up some real odd emotions. Complicated stuff. I’m not even going to tell you what else I thought about doing with the hose. Let’s just say I would probably be incarcerated had I followed through with some of these notions. I originally typed urges but given my new feminine status I’m not sure that would have been accurate.

How bored is it getting in Casa de Manion?

Well, first of all it’s so boring that I won’t even bother to acknowledge that “How bored is it getting in Casa de Manion?” is grammatically wrong. I’m so bored I don’t even want to use the language correctly. Fuck yo words.  Instead I’m going to wonder if you bothered to read Casa de Manion with the right accent or just galloped past an opportunity to be whimsical. Did you read it Man-yun or, correctly for this particular ethnic application, Man-yon?

If saying it didn’t bring a smile to your face then you’re not saying it correctly. Put in some effort or you’re just wasting your time.

In his book Model of Human Occupation Gary Kielhorner writes;

 

“All that humans do exists in the framework of time. Time reveals itself as a vacuum, inviting us to fill it with doing. Without action, time weighs heavily upon us. Consequently, we are moved to fill or occupy time with the things we do. Doing unfolds in the stream of time, carrying us forth, marking time’s passing, and shaping the nature of things in the next moment. Consequently, our doing fills the present and anticipates the temporal horizon just beyond us.”

 

And to think this started off about a stream. A warm yellow stream that took some unexpected twists and turns and splashes and drips and in the process killed some time. That led to an unexpected thought that took me into my yard and killed more time. It took patience not to tell my neighbors to fuck off, killed even more time… and any chance I might have had to be invited to the upcoming block party.

And feeling feminine for those glistening complicated moments made me glad that I took my phone out of my pants before going outside and playing with the hose. Had I not, I might have taken a very complicated chance and asked someone to spend some of our fleeting time together.

 

“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.”

-Hector Berlioz

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