el gorro para correr

Relationships are complicated. I have said this before, and I will say it again. I was reminded of this as I walked past a store selling Cinco de Mayo decorations. All the festive banners and signs had my mind wandering back to an old girlfriend.

She was born in Mexico. A fact that would play a rather large role in our relationship.

I remember her wanting a hat to jog in. She dropped this hint just prior to her birthday and I, being a thoughtful boyfriend, was all ears. She went into great detail about the hat. It had to be form-fitting, quick-dry, with vents in the side to keep her head cool as she ran and a hole in the back for her ponytail. Seemed a little overkill to me, but I’m not one to be judgmental.

Anyway, the following week she unwrapped my present and she was so blown away she simply stared at it for a few minutes. Her mouth even hung open a bit.

I’d bought her a sombrero. Not only a sombrero but a sombrero with vents on the side and a hole in the back for her ponytail so she could jog in it. Custom made just for her. I’d truly outdone myself. I said as much.

Finally, she was able to articulate her appreciation and simply replied “Yes. Yes, you have.”

Later that morning as she was leaving for her daily jog I smiled broadly and said, “Senorita! Don’t forget your sombrero!” She articulated something else, but I didn’t catch it.

Later that evening we had some friends over to celebrate her big day and after some drinks to loosen everyone up we played her favorite game, charades.

As luck would have it, on my first opportunity to act something out I got the word sombrero. Fortune was indeed smiling on me. I could barely contain myself. Beaming, I began to run in place and pointed at my head.

“A bonnet?” my girlfriend guessed.

Still beaming, I indicated that she was on the right path, she just needed to be more specific.

“A hat?”

Still beaming, confidence oozing from ever pore, I pointed to my head again and gave her a sly wink.

“A TrailHeads Race Day Performance Running Cap?”

Oddly specific, it was like a missile had been shot right into my chest. My mock running began to slow.

“An ELLEWIN Unisex Baseball Cap UPF 50 Unstructured Hat with Foldable Long Large Bill?”

Another missile. Boom. Direct hit. The other couples in the room were oblivious to what was unfolding before their eyes.

“Is it a Fast and Free Women’s Run Hat Elite? Is that what it is?”

My running had stopped. My smile had evaporated.

“I know it can’t be a sombrero, because nobody jogs in a fucking sombrero!”

I began to run again; except this time, it wasn’t in place. I ran out the door and out of her life forever. I never looked back. For fuck’s sake, I’d even made sure that it had a drawstring for under the chin so it wouldn’t fly off when it got windy.

Like I said, relationships are complicated.