enough with the concussions already
(first appeared at MTRmedia.com 11/13/12)
Honestly, enough with the concussions already. At some point the NFL has to take a long look in the mirror and realize that fans don’t give a shit if players have dementia after they retire if it means they can squeeze out a few more wins for their team.
Last weekend we had three quarterbacks leave close games because they took a shot to the head. I don’t care if they have to cut the fucking helmet off them after the game because of swelling, get the fuck back in the game. If your leg is broken or shoulder separated I can understand but just because you’re a little fuzzy doesn’t mean that you get to spend the rest of the game watching from the sidelines. If you’re worried about your long-term health then get a job at the mill and play a little flag football after your 12-hour shift. Otherwise tape up your head or wear a headband or something and get back out there.
It seems like the pussification of the American male has finally reached the NFL. In the good old days men played football and it was understood that after they had been in the league a few years they’d never be able to walk without pain, cradle their babies in their mangled hands or hold a line of thought for more than a minute. Upon retirement these noble yet dimwitted hulks were all shipped off to farms in the country where they could lumber around without hurting themselves or anyone else until they were needed to celebrate some championship or fellow player at which time a uniform would be thrown on them and they would be herded into a van and led around like a pony for the afternoon.
That’s why they were paid millions of dollars. Now it seems that they miss a few weeks every time they bruise their vaginas. I’m just not buying concussions. I think it’s all made up by the players union to allow these pretty boys to avoid contact. These days every single hard tackle results in a flag and has the recipient being hustled to the sidelines to spend the rest of the game staring ahead with a vacant expression on their face. I’ve got news for the NFL, that’s the same blank look they came into the game with.
They’re football players. Don’t let the eloquence of Steve Young and Sterling Sharpe fool you, they are aberrations. We can’t treat all the players as if they are going to someday leave the game and be productive members of society because they’re not. We have to use them up when we can and get our money’s worth.
Just look at the trouble the NFL has gone to try and accommodate players to begin with. First there was no protection for their head at all, then we gave them leather caps, and then plastic helmets with facemasks. Have you seen helmets these days? They cost more than my car and look like something that an astronaut from the future would be wearing. They’ve got grooves and holes and everything. What else can the owners do?
Players are enormous and they’re smashing into each other for three or four hours at a time. What the fuck do you think is going to happen? Honestly, I’m surprised every time I watch a game that a couple of players aren’t killed by halftime but they’re not. Of course a few of them are going to have a headache afterwards, that’s why we invented aspirin. We have to admit to ourselves as a culture that we truly don’t give a crap about the well-being of these genetic freaks or just disband the league and have these Neanderthals join the rest of us in getting real jobs. I’m sick to death of this grey area where they get paid truckloads of money but aren’t willing to destroy their bodies for our amusement. If I have to watch my team lose another game because my quarterback gets his bell rung in the first quarter and fails a hastily prepared MENSA test in the locker room, my head is going to explode.
Of course, even if my head explodes I’m willing to keep playing because I’m not a total pussy.