getting to never

Time, time, time

See what’s become of me

While I looked around for my possibilities*

Roger had something, a behavior, let’s leave it at that, he never wanted to do again.

At present he had no desire to do it, but he worried that one day he’d want to. This troubled him immensely.

A week passed and he still had no desire to do it, but the thought of one day wanting to sat in the pit of his stomach. He knew all the reasons why he shouldn’t do it and he believed every one of them. He truly did.

At that moment anyway.

And therein lay the problem.

A month later, he still believed them. He didn’t want to do it and yet the concern that it was only a matter of time hung over him like a black cloud. It made no sense. He searched himself and looked deeply into a mirror and said things aloud to confirm that the desire to do this thing was entirely extinguished within him and yet…

A year went by and still his first thought when he woke up and the last thought he had before going to sleep was this thing. The thing he didn’t want to do. The thing he absolutely positively did not want to do.

But he worried that one day he would.

Then one day he stepped out in front of a bus and was killed.

Getting run over by a bus, while a convenient metaphor I’ll grant you, actually happens much more than people think and in no way is a sign of lazy writing. Dozens and dozens of people every year. Year in and year out. One minute walking around fine and the next squished under a bus.

“Never is an awfully long time.”

― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

• –Hazy Shade of Winter lyrics © Paul Simon Music