https://t.co/AidetKYYhn (2 days ago)

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Jun
10

good steaming morning

There might not be more interesting viewing than watching someone wake up. Those few seconds between sleep and consciousness make the hours of staring at them beforehand worthwhile. There are always those brief moments when they are both awake and not. Their eyes twitch and their face looks all confused. I imagine that’s what a computer would look like booting up if it had a face.

Sort of like when you go to the bathroom and the poop is past the point of no return but it hasn’t quite dropped out. It’s still with you but it’s no longer yours.

Wait. Sorry. That’s not a very good analogy. Although I think your eyes make the same twitch.

More like a basketball game.

You’ve got a finite amount of time, like 6 or 7 billion years since the big bang, before the game starts and an infinite amount of time after it’s over but for 2 hours the game is actually played.

I especially like the really close games where ten minutes from that time you’ll forever know the winner of the game but for the next little while the outcome is in doubt.

I’ve had dumps like that.

The thing is… beautiful people look beautiful waking up. They can’t help it. Just like ugly people can’t help but look particularly ugly waking up. I wish it were different but I don’t make the rules.

I’ve seen ugly people wake up and I sit there hoping that somehow they will do something adorable but all they do is sit there looking more ugly than usual.

Retarded people waking up are just terrifying.

That’s right.

You just read that.

I always thought that I held in my farts all night because the first thing I do in the morning is fart these big gassy farts but apparently I do that all night. Is there anything funnier than the idea of laying there sound asleep and letting go while someone is awake next to you? I think not. The shocked and offended faces they must make.

I was in bed the first time that someone told me my feet weren’t as nice looking as I had thought. I always felt I had handsome feet but then that bubble was burst for me.

No wonder the bedroom and the bathroom are kept separate from the rest of the house. A lot goes on there.

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