Guest Post: Penny McKay
Have you ever been walking along the road and suddenly … like being hit by a bolt of lightening on a clear summer day … you get an itch in your butt crack! Now we’re not talking just below your knicker elastic … or slightly to the left or right of the butt crack …. no, no, no…would that it was that easy to get to! Nah we’re talking right smack dab in the middle … deep between where your butt crack starts and where it ends … we’re talking the serious cruel and unusual punishment type butt crack itch … the type of butt crack itch torture used during the 1st world war in certain countries … the type you wouldn’t even wish on your mother-in-law …. yep that bad!!! And it’s not like you can simply reach behind and unobtrusively relieve the itch … cos suddenly every damn person who works in town is walking behind you … and a woman in corporate attire of stilletos, lace stockings and a tight black pencil skirt just doesn’t look good from behind trying to relieve the undescribable torture of a deep-as butt crack itch … kind of kills the sexy look if you know what I mean. So you start walking faster, squeezing those butt cheeks together in a vice-like grip with every step (which unfortunately gives the effect of looking like some Beonce bootilicious wanna-be), singing some random song that you dont even know the words of, planning your next arctic adventure, taking yourself to your happy place, anything that’s gonna detract from the undescribable, unimaginable unassuageable torture of a butt crack itch you can’t scratch!!!