Guest post regarding National Sleep With An Ugly Person Day by The Elitist
Greetings, friends, it has come to my attention that a very important holiday is upon us once again: National Sleep with an Ugly Person day. I know what you’re thinking. I can even feel you rolling your eyes, but hear me out. I, a self proclaimed and third party verified hot chick, am prepared to convince you that sleeping with an ugly person is not only a good idea, but something you should look forward to doing at least on a yearly basis. Since today is literally a holiday for doing just that, there’s no time to start like the present. Let’s get started with my compelling 5 point argument for why you should nail the ugly person that you have failed to give the time of day to:
- Unconditional acceptance. Have you ever been rejected by a beautiful person? Worried about someone not liking you back? Felt shy about going up to someone and talking to them? This is not going to be a problem with the local ugly person. You can flex that ego all you like. You’re hot. They’re not. They would literally pay to get their hands on you, but their unabashed gratitude at being given the opportunity is good for your self esteem and confidence almost as much as it will be for theirs. It’s not like they don’t already know they’re ugly. You get another firm reminder of just how hot you are. So pick away knowing that you’ll always be their favorite story to tell their grandkids.
- You’ll never look so hot. This is a golden opportunity not to worry about how you look. Do you sleep with beautiful people and worry their six pack is more defined than yours? Not anymore. Your ass will never look so perky. Who cares if something jiggles during sex? Even in the most awkward, sweaty, contorted position you can think of, you are still hotter than this ugly person and every other ugly person they’ve ever nailed. So let go. There’s really nothing you can do to look as ugly as them, even at your worst. Three cheers for the genetic lottery!
- This could be the best sex of your life. This ugly person is going to try and impress you. They’ve never had their hands on this much sexiness before. Prepare to be worshipped. Have you ever had someone rush through foreplay? Use you and throw you away? Not care if you enjoyed yourself? This ugly person may think that this is their opportunity to use a hot person and kick them out of bed after, but they won’t. They secretly hope you’ll fall in love with them and be on your knees begging for some more of their ugly lovin. They are gonna give it to you slow, fast, hard, wet, dirty, or any other adjective you can come up with that tickles your fancy (or any other body part). So think about exactly what you’d like your ugly sex toy to do for you. Think about it like having a sex robot that follows your every command—look ma, no hands!
- This is probably the safest sex you’ve had in a while. Let’s be honest—hot people have as much sex as they want. There isn’t a bar in state or any country that I can’t walk into and pick out any man or woman and take home. Period. If you’re ugly, you’re not getting laid even a sixth as often as I am, meaning the chances of you catching an STD are significantly diminished. Ahhh, doesn’t that feel good? So grab a condom and go to town and don’t let that 87% effectiveness rate scare you quite as much as always. You’re probably their third or fourth partner. Three cheers for safety!
- Karma. Think of it like giving to charity, but not. Do a good dead and good things will happen to you! It’s such a small thing—one evening of your life (if that) to make someone’s day/week/month/year/life more enjoyable. You’re making a difference! And look at all the previously mentioned benefits you get on top of this! Now you also get bonus karma points? This is a no brainer. The fact that you want the lights off or to be blindfolded or only to be done from behind doesn’t detract from the fact that you, a hot person, is having sex with an ugly person out of the goodness of your own heart. Gold star, fellow hot friend. Gold star.
Seriously, how could you not want to participate in this holiday? Give me a reason why you wouldn’t want to do this. I know, you can’t think of one. Come April 3, you’ll go back to your normal life of beautiful people and things, but the ugly person’s world with be rocked forever. All because of you and your giving nature. Your unselfish behavior. And your very, very hot self. So go pick out your ugly person and have some crazy sex, earn your karma points, and thank me in the morning.
The Elitist xo
read her blog Inside the Head of an Elitist here