Oct
21
Lazy Eye Larry
Larry Hugo was introduced to the term in the 4th grade. He was having his school picture taken when the photographer took a step back from his camera and casually said to him “Do you know you have a lazy eye?” Why someone would say that to a 9 year old boy he couldn’t figure out… especially since technically he didn’t even have one. His left eyelid drooped a tiny bit that was all. Amblyopia is a problem with how the brain acknowledges the information it receives from an eye not the drooping eyelid itself. Larry’s problem at that moment was that behind him stood Jenny Jenkins and she had heard the photographer. As kids that age will often do she immediately came up with a creative moniker and thus ‘Lazy Eye Larry’ was born. “Damn that Jenny to hell” thought Larry.
Although his vision remained 20/20 throughout his youth in the 8th grade his other eyelid began to droop slightly which gave him a slightly dopey look. In the right light his eyes had the appearance of a basset hound being held upside down.
Then he began to lose his hair. It was sophomore year of high school that it became noticeable and immediately his peers suggested that perhaps he had ‘lazy head’ as well. Although he highly doubted the fact that his skin could actually be too lazy to hold hair follicles in place he did sneak into the library a few times to see if such a condition actually existed. The popularity of ‘Lazy Head Larry’, although never high, began to sink even lower. He even imagined that his lower lip was beginning to show faint signs of sagging.
He was happy when it came time to go to college and leave behind his old antagonists to start fresh somewhere new. Unfortunately his eyelid condition continued to deteriorate and soon he required an odd-looking set of glasses to hold up his eyelids. As if this wasn’t bad enough it also required him to spray water onto his eyeballs every minute to keep them moist. Obviously this made him very popular with students and teachers alike. Where his college nickname of BMHOC (Big Melting Head On Campus) came from no one is quite sure but soon everyone knew him by that name. His social life never really had a fair shot. To compensate for his now-bald head he sported heavy muttonchops that it was said were so heavy that they actually caused his lower lip to sag.
It was his senior year… on the last day of classes before the holiday break. He was sitting by himself, as usual, when a student entered the small auditorium holding what appeared to be a rifle. Larry recognized him as a visiting exchange student who was known to be a bit high strung and almost as big a social leper as Larry himself. The student looked agitated and began to yell at the students. Once those in the class saw that he was holding a weapon pandemonium broke loose with students screaming and diving for cover or hurriedly making for the exits. In the melee Larry’s ‘glasses’ were knocked from his face and all went dark as his eyelids fell like heavy curtains over his eyes. He heard the rifle fire and he ran blindly. He heard it fire again.
The shooter apparently had an issue with one of the girls in the class. Esmeralda didn’t even know him and yet he knew everything about her. She was pretty and popular (she of course dated the captain of the basketball team) and she now lay on the floor hysterical. On top of her lay ‘Lazy Eye Larry’. The gunman had been wrestled to the ground by 2 members of the school Swing Choir but not before he had found his intended victim and gotten off 2 shots. The first shot had been fired harmlessly into the ceiling. The second was shot planned for the pretty girl but instead found Larry as he ran blindly in front of her. She wriggled out from under him screaming and his head hit the floor with a dull thud. Then from one eye, hitherto so dry and burning, was seen to roll a big tear. There was no need to pull his eyelids close.
Larry received a moment of silence at halftime of the school’s basketball game against the Fighting Irish.
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