Not even a musing... barely qualifies as rambling. https://t.co/h8CwJ7oXwC (16 hours ago)

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May
16

Nap Lapkin: Terminated (part 7)

The initial impact was tremendous and, despite the airbags and seat belts, both Madonna and Future Nap sat dazed and struggling to stay conscious. When you see the word initial before the word impact it leads you to believe that there is another impact coming and in this case you are spot on. I’m not going to say the cyborg got carried away in the excitement of the chase, I think we’ve clearly established that he’s incapable of such emotions, but when he saw Madonna heading for the loading dock door at full speed he decided he’d follow at full speed and thus there was a second impact shortly after the first as the cyborg’s car smashed into the back of Madonna’s.

You might be surprised to learn that artificial intelligence from the future does not place a high priority on seat belts. Throw in the weight of his metal endoskeleton and you have a cyborg lying on the hood of his car with his legs trapped between what remained of the steering wheel and the dashboard.

Future Nap slapped himself hard and tried valiantly to stay awake. He knew that the cyborg would extricate itself from the wreck in no time and if he or Madonna passed out it would be curtains for them.

“Come on Madonna… we have to go.”

Going proved a little harder than expected given their vehicle had been hit from both the front and back and looked in no small way like an accordion with wheels (only three of which were still touching the ground). They were finally able to scoot out their respective windows just as the cyborg was freeing his legs and reaching back into his car for another weapon. They were just able to duck out of the way of a fresh round of bullets and begin to make their way into the dark recess of what appeared to be a machinery graveyard.

Luckily the collision had badly damaged one of the cyborg’s legs so he was limping noticeably as he gave chase. Unluckily the collisions had badly damaged pretty much all of Madonna and Future Nap so they were barely able to keep ahead of the robot assassin.

“Madonna … in case we don’t make it. I just wanted to say something to you” yelled Future Nap as they weaved through a variety of arc welders, pipe benders, lathes and belt sanders.

“Can’t it wait?” she yelled back.

“No, it can’t. I came back through time to tell you this. I love you Madonna!”

Obviously this news made quite an impression on her. While she’d always suspected that beneath his gruff exterior Nap had cared for her she never imagined he could feel love.

“While I’d always suspected that beneath your gruff exterior you had cared for me I never imagined you could feel love” she said … rather unnecessarily.

More bullets bounced to and fro and they were beginning to run out of warehouse.

“It wasn’t until I was older, when it was too late, that I realized it. By that time you’d settled down with some dorky optometrist.” Future Nap seemed pleased to have gotten this confession off his chest. The timing was outstanding as well as they had reached the back of the building and there was only one machine left between them and the back wall; a four hundred ton hydraulic press.

“Yes” yelled a clearly relieved Madonna.

“I’ll disarm him while you pretend to be trapped and crawl through the press. When he crawls after you I’ll squish him” yelled Future Nap.

“Will this work?” asked Madonna.

“Of course. Would The Terminator lie?”

With that Future Nap doubled back and waited for the cyborg to walk past him. He grabbed a thick length of steel pipe and just as the robot began to limp by he swung with all his strength and the machine gun fell and slid across the cement floor.

“Run Madonna! Save yourself. He’ll never think to find you behind the four hundred ton hydraulic press!” For a moment Future Nap worried he might have overplayed his hand and rest assured if this was a theater critic from the future as opposed to a single-minded cyborg trying to kill Madonna he would have never bought it.

But the cyborg did. It hurled Future Nap to the side and started towards Madonna. There was nowhere for his prey to run now. I’m not saying the cyborg got a cyber-boner from the realization that the end was neigh but clearly there was a little extra pep in his step.

Madonna slipped through the narrow gap in the press and wedged herself against the wall. The cyborg began to slither into the press, his arms reaching out and his eyes gleaming malevolently. Future Nap had positioned himself right by the large red button that activated the press and when the cyborg was right in the middle he smiled and said “What is best in life? To crush your enemies” and with that he hit the button.

Nothing happened.

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