My drawing skills on display. #FunniestTweets #humor #cartoon https://t.co/NK4lmGRvY5 https://t.co/t0AqfS5PBO (6 hours ago)

news&updates

May
1

Neddy dreams of wild ape-men and regular men

Neddy had a dream. Not a dream in the sense of some over-arching goal that put his life on any particular path, more like a one time dream that had him sitting in bed trying to process what it meant.

The dream went something like this;

Bigfoot was real. After centuries of being considered nothing more than a myth a large number of them suddenly walked out of the forest and introduced themselves to humanity. Towering creatures these Bigfoots. A certain nervousness went through the human population making those first few months of interaction a bit awkward.

Dreams are vague like that. Other topics would intermittently pop up in Neddy’s dream and sidetrack him for awhile before returning to the main storyline. Blurring whatever point this dream was supposed to make. Neddy had read that dreams are all id, the superego doesn’t get involved. Or maybe it was the opposite. Either way, Neddy took them very seriously because obviously one part of his consciousness had something important to say. He even bought a book on dreams but the cover looked too much like it was a book of witchcraft so he had to toss it. He thought about writing down his dreams but he was afraid it might fall into the wrong hands and destroy his promising career as a movie theater usher.

He could point to a couple dreams that would have the ticket-buying public unwilling to let him tear their ticket let alone butter their popcorn.

All of this should answer your question about what exactly would constitute awkwardness when it came to Bigfoot/human coexistence. That answer? Vague at best.

No further questions please.

Just an odd feeling that the Bigfoot didn’t belong if you want to press the issue.

That’s when Neddy rode in to the rescue.

The fact that it involved a Squatty Potty did not come as a surprise to Neddy. He’d received one as a gift and although he’d never actually tried it he’d dutifully put it next to his toilet and had routinely hit his feet against it every night as he completed his midnight piss. Squatty Potties had been present in at least half of his dreams ever since the day he’d unwrapped it. If only it looked more like a book on witchcraft so he could throw it out.

My thought, not his. Had he thought this there is no doubt that his next dream would be about a Squatty Potty with the ability to cast spells and fly around on a broomstick.

So this divide between Bigfoot and humanity seemed unbridgeable and in Neddy’s dream there seemed to be some terrible consequence right around the corner. That’s when Neddy did his best work though. When the chips were down.

Like the time at the theater when they ran out of chips and he had to run to a nearby Sam’s Club to buy more before the nacho-eating crowds descended.

So he looked at the physical magnitude of the Bigfoot and realized that the Squatty Potty as currently designed would never suffice. The size of the thing wasn’t tall enough to raise the Bigfoots knees above their hips and therefore they would never get the most from their bowel movements so Neddy sat down and did some math in his dream. He wasn’t sure which song was playing in the background, all he could remember was that it was inspiring. Perhaps Eye of the Tiger.

He made the Squatty Potty 20% larger and he called it the Sasquatty Potty and the Bigfoot were so appreciative of this that all the walls between Bigfoots and humans came tumbling down and they apparently were on track to live happily ever after.

Then he woke up and the real work began.

A simple act of kindness. A small gesture can mean so much. Blah blah blah. The point of the dream was so clear but Neddy couldn’t figure out how or to whom to apply this lesson to. The Squatty Potty was a gift … but one that he had not appreciated. In fact, it constantly hurt his feet.

Was he the Bigfoot?

Should he give the Squatty Potty a try?

The ads made them seem too much like witchcraft.

like it, share it!

Join the discussion

*

Tales of Adventure with Nap Lapkin

Tales of Adventure with Nap Lapkin

Publication date: September 2019
Category: Humor

$10.00
paperback buy
Free
ebook download
 

neXt

neXt

Publication date: April 2019
Category: Humor

$10.70
paperback buy
Free
ebook download
 

What You Don’t Understand

What You Don’t Understand

Publication date: November 2015
Category: Humor

$9.99
paperback buy
Free
ebook download
 

The Song Between Her Legs

The Song Between Her Legs

Publication date: September 2014
Category: Humor

$9.99
paperback buy
Free
ebook download
 

The Ball Washer

The Ball Washer

Publication date: October 2012
Category: Humor

$9.99
paperback buy
Free
ebook download
 

Homo Sayswhaticus

Homo Sayswhaticus

Publication date: May 2013
Category: Humor

$9.99
paperback buy
Free
ebook download
 

The Trembling Fist

The Trembling Fist

Publication date: November 2013
Category: Humor

$9.99
paperback buy
$2.99
ebook buy
 

Merciful Flush: The Lance Manion Blogs

Merciful Flush: The Lance Manion Blogs

Publication date: May 2012
Category: Humor

$9.99
paperback buy
Free
ebook download
 

Results May Vary: The Lance Manion Blogs

Results May Vary: The Lance Manion Blogs

Publication date: May 2012
Category: Humor

$9.95
paperback buy
$3.95
ebook buy