not as ’special’ Olympics

Please don’t get me wrong, people are WAY too touchy about anyone who tries to talk about the Special Olympics. They’ll string you up if you even mention something that’s not 100% positive about it. That’s fine by me. I’m all for the Special Olympics. In fact, I’m a little bit jealous. Have you ever seen the athletes when they’re competing at these types of events? They couldn’t physically look any happier. Then you have the ‘real’ Olympics. While they may look a little more determined about how they go about competing it’s still very clear that they are enjoying themselves.

I want to compete in an Olympic event!

Just because I’m old and slow should be no reason why I shouldn’t have the chance to run my fastest and feel the tape breaking across my chest as I cross the finish line (I have an amusing insight about what they call it in Finland but I’ll keep it to myself)? I don’t get it. I either have to be the fastest fucking guy in the world or retarded? You know how hard it is to be the fastest guy in the world… or retarded for that matter? The same idea behind the Special Olympics could be applied to unathletic couch-potatoes you know. Give ‘us’ a chance to feel the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat! Break up the entire world into categories and let us ALL have our moment. It goes without saying that we’d only televise the good ones… the 400-500 lb. male pole vault would be a rating hit. Before you think I’m just being mean, I didn’t say 400-500 lb. blind male pole vault after all, I think you’re missing the point. I know a 450 lb. guy would love to try the pole vault if he knew he was only competing against other fat guys. I myself would like to try boxing… again, knowing I’d be put against another skinny pussy who can’t throw a punch and bruises like a peach. Honestly, if I thought the odds were 50/50 I’d throw on the gloves and give it my best shot. That’s what the Olympics are all about! We all know that in the Special Olympics most of the events are going to be won by the kid who is least retarded. No big deal. At least they get a shot. The other 99.9% of us are left to daydream and wonder what it’s like to be an amazing athlete. Or a retard.

Life isn’t fair.