pb & j & N & h & f w/b & r

This is going to be one those stories that when I’m done with there is a very good likelihood I will just delete it without a second thought. Somehow I think there might be a point in all of it but right now I’m not certain that I will be able to drag it out into the light.

The premise might be the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever started but that in itself makes it unique. Doesn’t it?

Here’s the thing. I have a sandwich for lunch every day and every day that sandwich includes peanut butter. I’ll go back and forth between white bread and wheat but peanut butter is always in the mix. Not only do I enjoy the taste but somewhere back in my childhood someone told me that peanut butter was very healthy for me so I’ve been sold on it ever since.

But rarely is the peanut butter alone and this is where the story gets slightly more interesting. That is to say it gets slightly interesting because even I have to admit that so far this story blows. Perhaps I should have said it couldn’t get any less interesting but if you’re somehow still reading this the last thing I want to do is say something to dissuade you from continuing. Let’s be honest, if you made it this far you’re probably going to rough it and keep reading in the hope that there is a point to all this.

I think there is, I just have to get past this next point which I’m sure has very little to do with whatever point it is I hope to be making.

The peanut butter usually has company and this is how I’m able to eat the same basic meal year after year without it getting as boring as a story about peanut butter sandwiches. Of course there is jelly. Not only strawberry, the high holy jelly, but I also mix in raspberry, blackberry and grape. Right there you have four options but before you think that lunches still might get old let me show you the whole picture. I also enjoy peanut butter and honey sandwiches. Love them. And you want to talk healthy? Honey is like the healthiest thing we’ve ever stolen from the insect world. I believe that I read somewhere that a man can live on nothing but honey and water.

I could be wrong.

I tried a product called Marshmallow Fluff, which is like a marshmallow spread but I didn’t like it. Actually, that’s an understatement. I hated it. Tasted like ground-up fairies would taste. Just too damn sweet.

My favorite? That’s easy. Peanut butter and Nutella. For those of you who have never tried it let me clue you in. Nutella is a spread that tastes like chocolate and hazelnuts. Holy crap is it good. Hands down the best partner to peanut butter.

So we’re up to six options … but wait. I will occasionally add either sliced bananas or raisins to mix. Now I can’t claim that I add banana to the sandwich if I’m using jelly so it’s only honey or Nutella that gets that options, just as I don’t add raisins if I’m having a peanut butter and honey sandwich but if you do the math you’ll find that ever though I have a sandwich every afternoon for lunch it takes me 28 days to repeat any particular sandwich. I encourage you to do the math … and remember that I sometimes have just peanut butter and I switch back and forth between bread options. If I could only tolerate Fluff I’d be up to 34 but spiritus ubi vult spirat.

I admit that I used Latin there to make it appear that a point may be upcoming. Not sure if it is but let’s give it a go shall we?

Ok, one last thing before the point. I have a chart. A sandwich chart … so I don’t lose track of which sandwich I’m supposed to be having.

Now on to the point. Hopefully.

When I make my sandwiches I’m very careful to use the exact amount of peanut butter and the exact amount of other spread. I take great care in applying the aforementioned and that there is a uniform amount covering each piece of bread, from the middle to the very edges. Someone watching the proceedings would assume I was under the watchful gaze of a hardened military instructor. Every sandwich is made with that much attention to detail.

Then one day I thought to myself : “Screw it!” and I slathered on twice the amount of peanut butter and twice the amount of raspberry jelly (it was the third Thursday of the month after all). I could feel the difference in weight as I lifted it to my waiting maw but I ignored protocol and began devouring it. I can’t be certain what came over me but let me tell you it was delicious. Whenever it was I started to skimp on the spreads I was a fool.

A fool!

So … that’s sort of a point isn’t it? Realizing that sometimes the mostly carefully planned routine can actually be an impediment to a greater satisfaction?

Except of course Fluff. I tried it and it blows.

So that’s pretty much it.

Sorry.