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Porn World: The Movie Pitch

(originally posted 8/22/2014)

 

The chimpanzee and dolphin are the only other animals that have sex just for fun.

They are also among the most highly evolved. What does that say about sex?

 

Angelo was certain of only one thing in his life. He was not getting enough. His wife, although physically attractive, had never in the fifteen years of their marriage instigated sex. In fact, she treated the matter with the same enthusiasm she had for getting the oil changed in the car.

A necessary evil.

Not Angelo. All around him he saw sexuality. Behind the facade of daily interactions loomed sex. Insinuated, implied and injected into everything.

It could drive a red-blooded man like Angelo crazy.

Perhaps it did, because one day he woke up in Porn World. He should have realized that things were different when his wife rolled over and said a string of the filthiest things he’d ever heard. No small feat given Angelo’s favorite website was thefilthiestthingsyouveeverheard.com. His wife threw off her clothes and did all the things he thought she’d never do.

And then she showered and went to work without so much as a look back.

Angelo smiled, rolled out of bed and got dressed. He brushed, flossed and went to the refrigerator for a glass of orange juice. He was interrupted by a knock at the door and when he opened it he was greeted with buxom young lady asking if there was any way she could convince him to buy some magazine subscriptions.

Any possible way.

Moments later Angelo was violating her in such a way that he ended up with not only a two-year subscription to Rolling Stone but also six months of Field & Stream. After what she did to him, an act more appropriately done in a field and/or stream than on a kitchen counter, it seemed only fair.

After she left he tucked his shirt in and, in a bit of a daze, made the short drive to the building where he worked. He wasn’t halfway to the front door when he spied a young woman trying unsuccessfully to change a flat tire. Feeling pretty good about things Angelo sauntered up and offered his assistance. After making short work of throwing on the spare the woman was so grateful that she immediately dropped to her knees and polished his knob with a ferocity that left him frozen to the spot for a full five minutes after she drove off.

He wasn’t in his office five minutes before his secretary walked in with the strangest look on her face. And a short skirt and fishnet stockings and heels that must have been at least five inches. He’d always had a crush on her but in the eight years she’d work for him she’d never shown him the slightest interest. She dropped the legal pad she was carrying and when she bent over to pick it up Angelo noticed she wasn’t wearing any panties. She looked back at him and asked if he liked what he saw.

When he entered her she let out with a moan that had dust falling from every ceiling on the block followed by a whimper that had dolphins beaching themselves miles away. Just before he erupted she spun around and greedily swallowed up his manly payload.

She closed the door behind her as she left.

Angelo slumped back in his leather desk chair and wondered if he was dreaming. He lazily looked out the window and a small smile crept across his face. It didn’t feel like any dream he’d ever had. He continued to stare out of the window awhile before he noticed a woman in the next building staring at him.

Her skirt bunched up around her waist and her enormous breasts swaying as her hand disappeared rhythmically between her thighs.

Angelo decided to get some air and slowly backed out of his office. And into the new UPS delivery woman wearing short shorts and a brown halter top. She immediately launched into barrage of sexual innuendo involving  deliveries, each punctuated with her licking her lips. Angelo made a quick excuse and dashed out into the street. Flustered he half-walked, half-ran down to his favorite coffee place to collect himself. He walked in to find the usually-busy establishment empty except for the girl behind the counter. The very young and very hot girl behind the counter. Without asking what he wanted, she held a can of whipped cream between her heaving breasts and shot some into her open mouth.

Angelo turned and ran back to his car. On the frantic drive back home he was caught speeding by a gorgeous female police officer and forced to perform a breathtaking variety of sexual acts to get off without a ticket.

He was forced to circle the block twice before the voluptuous woman from the electric company standing at his door finally went away and allowed him to get safely inside his house. For the next hour he crouched down to avoid answering the door as a dizzying array of visitors made their way his door.

Finally he heard keys jingling in the door and went to greet his wife.

And her friend Patty. Patty, the six foot Amazonian beauty that worked with his wife. The woman he had secretly lusted over for years.

The woman who was now standing in front of him with a smirk on her face.

“You know that one thing you always wanted me to try …” his wife began.

Angelo screamed so loud that he actually woke himself up.

He laid in the bed covered in sweat, his heart racing. Finally, after blinking comically a few times, he sighed a lazy sigh and realized that despite the panic he had recently felt he still maintained one hell of a large erection.

He leaned over to his wife and touched her shoulder.

“Not tonight.”

Angelo rolled over and smiled. He was home.

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