so here we are

(originally posted 1/4/2022)

I have this scene in my head, like a movie. He has invented some scenario where he runs into her and has the opportunity to say the following;

“We don’t need to say sorry or be sorry. We don’t need to be in love. We might as well be chasing a greased pig as far as that goes. All we need is to be and be ok with that. Then just be together when time permits and be ok with that.”

The man pauses, as if the opening remarks were delivered too quick. As if he’s already off script. Nevertheless he plows on, making sure to maintain eye contact.

“How? However. However and ever.

Where? Wherever. Wherever and ever.

When? Whenever. Whenever and ever.

And ever and ever.”

He delivers the ‘and evers’ with such gut-wrenching sincerity that even he begins to believe. A lone butterfly in his stomach. He is reminded that sometimes saying something that makes absolutely no sense makes all the sense in the world.

It might be his only hope.

And definitely theirs.

And what good did sense ever do either of them anyway?

“There’s a reason it’s called common” he says aloud. He realizes that without context of his prior thought his last utterance might seem a bit confusing. But to try and explain it now might throw off his momentum and jeopardize the entire endeavor.

“We’ve never been that. Give us that much at least.”

Not exactly an explanation, but it gets him rolling again.

You might be wondering at this juncture what her reaction is to all of this. I don’t know. In my movie, it’s not about her.

You might also be wondering if there is romantic music playing in the background. Of course there’s fucking romantic music playing in the background. You think this is my first imagined movie?

And yes, if you must know, of course the girl is beautiful. You think I’d waste my time imagining a scene with a normal girl in it? But trust me on this, he’s trying his level best not to notice. Nothing good has ever come from it.

“Otherwise, aren’t we at some point saying that we’re not better than nothing? I know, you know all of this. I have nothing to confess that you don’t already know. And you know all of the stuff I wish I didn’t know about you. I wish it was all more romantic, I do… I know I want more and I know you deserve more.

But here we are.”

It was obviously not going as he’d hoped. It was also getting clear he needed to wrap it up.

“So if you ever want to hang out again, call me. Whenever.”

He wanted to end with “and ever” but the song in the background was just winding up.

Probably for the best.

But just like the rain

I’ll be always falling

Only to rise and fall again

– Thompson Twins