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Jan
25

spin

I hope your imagination is all limbered up for this one. You’re really going to need to follow along closely or this could go nowhere pretty fast.

Premise: There is an alternate existence where the word spin, as used by salespeople, has a very different connotation. In this world, when a salesperson is presenting their product or solution to an end user they often times get so caught up in what they are saying that they begin to spin in circles as they talk. Always counter clockwise, their left leg stationary while their right leg pushes off.

Think of the image of the ‘whirling dervish.’ Sufi Muslims whose dhikr (devotional act) includes whirling, his arms open: his right arm directed to the sky, ready to receive God’s beneficence; his left hand, upon which his eyes are fastened, turned toward the earth. They whirl themselves into a state of ecstasy.

Such is their belief.

Insincere or inexperienced salespeople sometimes finish entire presentations without spinning even once. Such is their lack of belief in their product or themselves. Any word that sits before the word salesperson that begins with ‘in’ is probably a bad sign. Maybe it’s a coincidence that infidel begins with ‘in’ or maybe it isn’t.

Experienced salespeople, on the other hand, become so moved by what they are saying that they spin. Most of them stretch before their presentations. Loose-fitting dress isn’t unusual. Sometimes they will bring other associates and occasionally these people will get so caught up in what is being said that they too will start to spin.

On rare occasions the clients (or clients) will begin to believe that whatever product is being pitched will help their company do whatever it’s intended to do with such fervor that they too will begin to spin.

For instance a secretary will walk by a large glass conference room and see thirty people standing up and spinning in place and will say to herself “Wow, Dale is killing it.”

The younger salespeople have more trouble spinning. Not because of their belief but because of their footwear. Old veterans still wear the leather dress shoes with no zero grip on the soles while the young hipsters wear shoes that allow them to leave work and head directly up the side of Steep Mountain (a high point at the west end of the South Lateral Moraine in Rocky Mountain National Park). They sometimes leave marks on the carpeting of their clients.

The common denominator between the whirling dervish and the spinning salesperson is belief. In this reality the salesperson has to believe what he or she is saying. It’s a litmus test for what is being said. The salesperson that does not at some point in time spin will not be believed and it is nearly impossible to fake the spin.

For the customer, this different reality is superior to ours. And because we are all customers at one time or another, it is overall a far superior reality to ours.

I sit in a chair that has a swivel base just in case I ever get so caught up in what I’m writing that I can begin to spin. This story is as close as I’ve ever been to wanting to spin around a bit.

Honestly, I just tried it. Counter clockwise. While it was a bit fun I didn’t believe it. Not in the same way I’ve seen kids spin around in office chairs.

I can only assume there is an alternate universe where writers who believe in what they are writing will stop and spin in their chairs as they work. Of course, as nobody typically watches them as they write I guess nobody would be the wiser if they published things that they didn’t really believe in.

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