Finally! The answer to the question "What quote is he going to put on the back cover of his new book?"… https://t.co/uBZknyDRQP (21 hours ago)

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Oct
10

take up your wieners!

The shit that the American people are willing to take always amazes me. Obvious cases where the people as a whole are being donkey-punched and they just sit there and take it.

I’m talking of course about the fact that hot dogs are sold in quantities of 10 while the hot dog buns are sold in packets of 8. I’m not the first person to point this out but that makes it all the more infuriating. We just bend over and take it! The fact that I use this imagery while discussing hot dogs is not lost on me. To me this is grab your pitchforks and torches and storm the castle and cut off a few heads type stuff. Who in their right mind would buy hot dogs and their accompanying buns in different amounts?! Even if you were willing to go to the time and effort to save the extra dogs or buns everybody knows that 3 days after you open the buns they are covered in a green mold and 2 days after that the dogs, however tightly sealed and stored in a crisper, are swimming in a grey film. That’s also assuming that you’re going to eat hot dogs more than once in a week. Who the fuck eats hot dogs that often?

But the manufacturers still crank them out in 10 and 8! It’s not even a single asshat manufacturer, they all do it. It’s like they have some sort of unspoken pact to continually fuck the consumer. If you say that the average person eats 2 hot dogs at a meal then the only families ok with this 10/8 conspiracy are the Mom & Dad who have 18 kids! Who has fucking 18 kids these days… other than fucking Mormons and I don’t even think they are allowed to eat hot dogs. I might be wrong on that, when I get worked up all the religions and their stupid dietary restrictions all blur together. Honestly, I’m not sure what animal hot dogs are even made from.

The worst case is where 2 parents have 17 kids so every meal there are 2 hot dogs left over and you know one of the kids will gobble them down so thanks to this conspiracy you’re always going to have one fat kid in a family of 19. Victimless crime my ass!

I won’t even bother doing the math on the family of 21… all I’m going to say is that the youngest child is going to die of malnutrition. Of course in this economy I bet half the kids die before they are teenagers anyway. Serves the parents right for not wearing a rubber now and then.

But honestly… who the fuck decided on 10 hot dogs and 8 buns and why can’t the government pass regulations of some sort? I’ll tell you why. Because my government has a first name and it’s O S C A R. These wiener-pushing fucktards are deliberately selling us their product in a quantity that we don’t want. And the bakers… why is it they have an hard-on for making things in a dozen. Fuck the bakers and their dozen, give us 10 fucking rolls you frankfurter-fucker fuckers!

Where is the passion on this topic? If we started sleeping out in front of the hot dog and bun producers I guarantee they would change their product. We could actually make a difference. There would be a cause & effect relationship between a hundred smelly protesters setting up shop and a business changing their practices!

But no.

We keep taking it. The revolution with its misdirected anger is dead my friends. We’re throwing the Emperor’s New Clothes out with the bathwater and Michael can row row row whatever boat he wants ashore but it’s not going to save those last 2 hot dog buns unless he wants to throw some peanut butter and jelly on them but I think the last verse implies a peanut allergy so that seems unlikely.

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