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Mar
2

taste the rainbow connection

(originally posted 11/6/2012)

 

Next time you’re having a shitty day I want you to remember this story. I’m driving home today went out of nowhere the clouds open up and start raining their ass off. I throw on the ol’ wipers and look around to see where it’s coming from because all around me it seems like the skies are blue. Sure enough there is a big black storm cloud sitting on top of me. It snuck up on me and but then moved on as quickly as it came. That’s when I saw it… the biggest brightest rainbow I’d ever seen!

It was really pretty. I almost pulled over to get a few pics with my camera phone because it seemed so close and the colors were so intense. As I kept driving I saw that the rainbow seemed like it ended right in my subdivision. I’d never seen one where I could almost see where it touched the ground so I was like a kid with visions of pots overflowing with gold in my head.

I stepped on the gas and tried to follow it but eventually it faded away as I was only minutes from my house. I have to admit to a warm cheery feeling inside as I finally pulled into my development. So you’re no doubt asking yourself how this story turns crappy.

Have you ever had to call your insurance company to report rainbow damage?

Yep. The roof had a big hole, about a dozen windows were broken and my mailbox was flattened. And the colors… there were reds and violets everywhere. In a word my yard looked gay as hell.

It didn’t help that my neighbors claimed not to have seen a thing. The hippy couple who lives to the left of me blames the whole thing on ‘global warming’ and the ‘enhanced rainbows’ it’s creating and the family to my right simply blames ‘the Irish’. When I laughed and asked if they meant leprechauns they spat at me and said that “that’s what they want you to believe”.

Apparently I’m not covered for rainbows.

Floods? Sure. Wind damage? Heck yes. But optical and meteorological phenomena that cause a continuous spectrum of colors to appear in the sky when the sun shines onto droplets of moisture in the atmosphere? No such luck.

While the agent on the phone was nice enough and patiently worked through the various rainbows it might have been (he ruled out Secondary and Supernumerary ones right off the bat) it ended up that even if it were none other than a Circumhorizontal Arc, known in the insurance game as a “Fire Rainbow”, I simply didn’t have the coverage.

Ironically his last name was O’Reilly.

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