Thanksgiving

(originally posted 11/28/2013)

Can’t white people have one friggin’ holiday where non-whites can just let us enjoy it without bringing up a bunch of shit from the past? Yes, we know that Columbus wasn’t the first person to ‘discover’ America.

He was just the first person who counted.

Now I’m supposed to feel bad about Thanksgiving?

Not going to happen. I’m going to sit there, turkey leg in hand, watching the game, and being thankful that Indians were terrible judges of character.

I know, I know, I know, white people are terrible and we did a lot of terrible things. I get it. What I would say to all of you “piss-on-my-Thanksgiving Day-parade” folks is that all races of people are terrible. People are terrible. All of us. White people aren’t alone in doing terrible things, we’re just better at it.

I call all this anti-Thanksgiving stuff nothing but poor sportsmanship.

If you listen to the Indians you’d think North America was this giant lovefest before we arrived.

Bullshit.

Indians were doing terrible things to each other long before the first white man decided to come and make themselves at home. Indians murdered and raped and enslaved each other as if it were going out of style. You never see that in the Disney movies but it’s true.

You think white people staked each other down over ant hills? Nope. That was all Indian. They were every bit as vicious as we make them out to be on the helmets of our sports teams. In fact, if memory serves, they did a lot of scalping of white heads in their day. They’re lucky the football team isn’t called the Washington Bloodthirsty Godless Uncivilized Savages.

All we want is a day off from subjugating the rest of the world to sit around and pretend that for awhile the pilgrims and the indigenous people got along famously … before we slaughtered all of them and took their land.

Is that too much to ask?