the cat trap
(originally posted 11/4/2012… did I really say “Wait a tick”?)
So I’m mad. Mad because I invented something that is awesome but there is no demand for. Just imagine that feeling. Your moment of pure genius wasted.
What is the invention you ask?
Well I guess I can tell you here in a public forum because if there was ever a sudden demand for the product I could reference this blog and I think legally that means the idea is mine or something. Let’s just say I’d sue you for every penny if I ever walked through a mall and suddenly saw my idea with your stupid face on the package.
The demand that these is a shortage of is the demand for cat traps. If there was ever a demand for a cat trap then I’d be the toast of Inventorland.
My cat trap, without bragging too much, is fucking brilliant. It’s actually two traps in one. In the front is a mechanism that looks like a mouse trap. You even have to load it with a bit of cheese or peanut butter. The mouse walks up and POW it smashes their head. Now here is the awesome part. This trap is actually just the small one sitting under the bigger trap. The dead mouse is the bait for a cat and when the cat comes to eat the dead mouse, no doubt thinking to himself “What a dumb fucking mouse. Getting killed by such an obvious trap”, he sets off the larger trap which comes slamming down and squashes his head. We use the cats arrogance against him!
Holy shit. Even as I’m writing this I suddenly had another brilliant idea. I just invented a kick-ass dog trap! A three part apparatus… the dead cat becomes bait for a dog and still a third powerful steel bar crashes down and kills the dog. There is no way a dog would suspect the third trap even if he figures out the first two. Dogs are even more arrogant than cats. He’d walk right up without thinking and have at the cat corpse.
Wait just a tick… is there anything in the animal kingdom more arrogant than a bear? Fuck no! Ever see those guys walking around the forest like they own the place? Add a fourth spring-loaded bar and you suddenly have a bear trap! You can kill a bear for the cost of one of my traps and a small piece of cheese! Imagine the thrill of watching as each of the unfortunate creature succumbs to my ingenious trap until finally Yogi himself saunters up and gets creamed. Transform a simple camping trip into something the whole family, as well as the park rangers and (no doubt) the local law enforcement authorities if some nosy dog owner wanders by wondering where ol’ Rex got to, will never forget!
I just want to live in a world where there is a market for this type of thing.