the ‘come as you were’ party

Recently there was a ‘Come as You Were’ gala held at the end of the annual Reincarnation Conference in Virginia, where everyone dressed in the fashion of the person they were in a former life. A lot of big names were in attendance; past Presidents, kings and queens littered the ballroom. Very few serfs and peasants, it was mostly famous people from bygone centuries.

Then there was an incident. A scuffle broke out between two Genghis Khans. If you know anything about ol’ Genghis, he was not the sort of man who tolerated someone impersonating him. Both of the Genghises claiming the other was a fake and demanding that they leave the party. One of them let loose with an earnest “I am the flail of god. If you had not committed great sins, god would not have sent a punishment like me upon you”  to which the other countered “A man’s greatest joy is crushing his enemies” and the fight was on.

Everyone milled around after the two had been separated, wondering how to handle it. Clearly one of them was an imposter, there couldn’t be two people who were Genghis Khan in a past life, but how could they figure out which one was Genghis Con?

All heads turned towards the man who had been King Solomon in a past life. He got this quite a lot.

He had both Khans’ brought before him, along with a child. Unbeknownst to the crowd, Solomon and the child had worked together before. The child being the reincarnation of the kid that Solomon used in the biblical story. He explain to the two Mongols that if one of them didn’t admit that they were the fraud, he was going to cut the child in half.

He knew the real Genghis would be fine with that.

But before either Khan could get out a few pertinent details there was a commotion in the back of the room. “Hold on! That man is a fake! It is I who was formerly King Solomon.” And into the center of the room strode another Solomon. He also looked the part. The robes, the staff, right down to the sandals.

“Sorry I’m late” he explained, “Car trouble.”

Now the crowd was stumped.

The new King Solomon offered his solution; he would quiz the two Khans on their personal history, place of birth and such, to determine which was the real McCoy (a reference that had the former Sid Hatfield staring daggers at the former Randall McCoy).

“Perhaps” offered the old Solomon, “Someone should quiz you on yours.”

Without hesitation the new Solomon lunged at the old Solomon and another scuffle broke out. As the two Kings began to throw down, the chaos that ensued allowed the two Khans to once again pick up where they had left off, one of them yelling “There is no value in anything until it is finished” with renewed enthusiasm (which one was difficult to tell), and, perhaps inspired by the numerous calls to “Kick his ass” that were being bellowed by the attendees at nobody in particular, Sid and Randall also decided it was an excellent time to restart the feud… and dammit if there wasn’t anyone in the hotel ballroom that didn’t agree that this was by far the best ‘Come as You Were’ gala they’d ever attended.

A man wearing Old West attire stomped around with a chair in his hands, desperate to finally hit someone over the head with it. Unseen beneath his chaps he was fully erect. The man who had formerly been Alexander Hamilton looked around unsuccessfully for an Aaron Burr while both Arthur Conan Doyle and Harry Houdini felt a sense of relief that they had buried the hatchet some years back at a similar function. The same could not be said about the former Robert Hooke and former Isaac Newton who were seen wrestling and exchanging harsh words underneath the buffet table.

Eventually the police were needed to bring the evening to an end. Only the man who claimed he had been Susan B. Anthony in a former life was arrested.

It took the local news reporter who had been sent over to cover the aftermath of the brawl three takes to get through it without laughing.