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Aug
14

the cool college English teacher (a Broken World story)

How many of you have heard an in-depth examination of the English language described as merely a question of semantics?

For those of you who don’t know me, I am professor Colin Pinkler. Although many of my former students refer to me as ‘The Verbivore.”

Let’s dive in shall we?

It matters how something moves, whether it is a substance or an object, whether the event is instantaneous or protracted, and who or what caused it. A Gestalt shift is when someone’s interpretation of his or her experience changes from one thing to another. In the case of our verb, if it means “A causes B to move to C,” it can also mean “A causes C to change state by moving B to it.” It’s also useful to express the affected entity as the direct object. Two good rules to follow, you might want to write them down.

Still with me?

No?

Ok, let me put it this way… in the content-locative stuff dick into the pussy, we have dick as the direct object, because the event is construed as something being done to the dick. In the container-locative stuff the pussy with dick, we have the pussy as the direct object, because the event is now construed as something being done to the pussy. The two linking rules I originally referenced take care of how the other participants are expressed. The first links the causal agent, the guy providing the dick, to the subject. The other links miscellaneous participants to oblique objects, each getting a preposition suitable to its meaning.

What does it matter?

Well, when one stuffs dick into a pussy, it can be any amount, even just a few inches. But when one stuffs the pussy with dick, the implication is that the pussy is full. This subtle difference, which linguists call the holism effect, can be seen with any number of locative verbs: to spray the whores with jizz implies that all the whores got sprayed, as opposed to merely spraying jizz onto the whores, and to pack that ass with schlong implies that it is completely packed.

If you listen close, verbs tell you how things really are.

Fellas, do you think it matters to the container-locative whether it’s packed or not?

You bet her ass it does. Just ask any of the ‘whores’ in the room.

The words we use are important. How we use them is important. They are what allows us to navigate the invisibly yet omnipresent conceptions of space, substance, time and causality.

And they communicate far more than we’ll ever begin to appreciate.

Any questions?

No Andy, there are no slides that accompany this lecture.

No, I don’t want to see what you drew in your notebook.

Yes, you may call me ‘The Verbivore.’

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