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Dec
29

the porn gene

I know everybody who reads this will think I’m just trying to be funny or, even worse, cruel but I’m really not. I can’t believe I’m the only one who sees this but I’ve never actually heard anyone else talking about it.
Is it just me or do most porn chicks look retarded?
Honestly, I’m not trying to be mean. There’s just sort of a retarded look about most of them. I’m not talking about their IQs, I mean literally they have big down syndrome foreheads or small dull eyes. If it weren’t for their big breasts or tight buttocks I swear I would think some of them would be institutionalized.
I feel bad somehow for feeling this way. Like I’m somehow a traitor talking bad about girls who do porn. The irony is that I don’t seem to notice until after I’m finished viewing the movie. I’m not sure if it’s the wave of self-loathing that follows the enjoyment of an adult film that makes me somehow more observant but 9 out of 10 times, before I can even click out of the clip, the girls face is flashed on the screen and suddenly I’m not sure if it’s porn or a “won’t you help this stupid bitch” commercial. Then I start thinking back and wondering… if I couldn’t tell if a girl looked retarded until after I reached climax… exactly how many retards have I slept with?!
I digress.
I do however have to double back and point out that when I’m “finished” viewing a porn it is dramatically different then when I have “finished” viewing other forms of multimedia. I don’t think I’ve ever left The Office after only a few minutes and felt that I was “finished”. At least Dwight has the courtesy of starting off looking retarded unlike my blonde friend who looked so cute walking through the door as the shy babysitter and then immediately, like some sort of lycantard during as full moon, she sprouts an extra inch or 2 of face as soon as I have unloaded my salty burden.
I wonder if there is somebody at the movie studio who determines just how retarded a girl can be and still get away with getting pounded on film. “Great rack … but she might just be a bit too retarded looking”.
Now some of you might suggest that this dopey look I’m referring to might be the result of drug abuse. I understand how a little nose-candy might take the edge off of being violated by a man packing a dick that leaves you to wonder if there isn’t a donkey somewhere one dong short… but that still doesn’t explain the big foreheads.
Do you ever see a girl in real life that looks like she should be doing porn. I do all the time. I should be a porn scout or something. I’ll see this girl working as a waitress or at the dry cleaners and I can tell she’d rather be doing porn. It’s uncomfortable sometimes. I just stare. She’s bagging groceries and I just want to yell “enough already, start doing porn!”. They have a look about them… I can’t explain it.
If you can accept that homosexuality isn’t a ‘choice’ then you have conceded that eventually scientists will discover a porn gene. As soon as that bouncing baby girl drops you’ll be able to know if she’ll end up bouncing on something else later in life to earn a living. Maybe there is a connection between intelligence and sexuality. The less you get of one the more you get of the other. Could it be that the more primitive you look the more you are connected to that which makes us animals. Maybe, just maybe, being retarded grants you super sexual powers or something. I wonder if full-on retarded porn would be amazing.
Again, I feel terrible even bringing up the subject but now it’s on the table you have to agree that if you put 10 girls in a line-up you could probably pick out the 2 that are adult film actresses. Seriously.
They are the ones that look retarded.

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