the soundtrack

Seeing the trailer for the new George Clooney movie with Julia Roberts got me to thinking. About two things actually.

First, let me be clear that I did not want to see the trailer. I did not seek it out. It was unexpectedly hoisted upon me as I was scrolling through one of the cable channels. Before I could grab the remote I was ball’s deep. It’s important that you know that I did not watch it for a second longer than was absolutely necessary.

Starting that last paragraph with the word first was unfortunate given that the prior sentence detailed my plans to discuss two particular things. I can see where you would assume that any paragraph that started with the word first would be beginning that odyssey.

It was not. It was an aside.

This next first will be.

First, I think it should be illegal for any movie stars to appear in more than one movie together where there are romantic entanglements between the two. Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore are habitual abusers of this. If I were President they would both be rotting in prison. We’ve seen George and Julia flirt on screen in one of the Ocean’s Eleven movies. Been there, done that. Move on.

Actually that was an aside as well. Although it was an aside directly connected to the George Clooney movie so I still feel that it earned the right to be considered one of the two distinct points I was hoping to make. In fact, the ability for Hollywood to engineer elaborate romantic scenes probably played a big part in the second of the two observations.

Why is that?

Because second, the first and only second to appear in this story, once I got thinking about romance I decided I’d like to share something with you, my dear readers.

As another aside, technically the second of this story but a case could be made that it is the third, I’m not sure if italicizing the words first and second is the appropriate way of having them make sense in the above sentences, but I’m sure even if that is the case, italicizing the word first in the sentence “the first and only second to appear in this story” definitely can’t be right. The problem being that when I went to unitalicize it I found I enjoyed the confusion it caused in my head. If you blew by it without having the same existential crisis, you’re really missing out.

Anyway, a word that assures you that you’ve just made your way through a completely unnecessary aside, I’m not sure I shouldn’t have italicized it now I think about it, the exact rules of writing are a greased pig to be sure, now… what was I saying?

Anyway.

(Shit. Italicized for no reason at all.)

(Historically the more asides and parenthesis, the better the odds that what I’m going to say next might actually contain some truth.)

When I was younger, pre-pubescent, there was a song I associated with romance. While I wasn’t clear exactly what went on when a man and a woman got naked and started to have sex, I was pretty sure that this song would be going through my head.

The song? Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major. It is a composition for three violins and a ground bass/cello.

When I hit puberty I learned that a canon means that it is an imitation-based song. i.e. all three violins would be playing imitation parts at the same time. Three seemed like one too many, a bit gay for my liking.

So I replaced it with a song more in line with my budding-yet-epic sexuality; Alpha by Vangelis. A lone man and his instrument.

The fact that it was named Alpha was just a happy coincidence; try not to read too much into it.

If you’re familiar with the tune, you know it starts slow and builds to a tremendous climax.

This is not a coincidence. That’s how I approached sex until very recently.

These days my sexuality is no longer budding, nor is it epic.

So I have a new song; Time by Hans Zimmer.

Same approach, starting slow and building, but nowhere in the song do you imagine sweat flying around, bed frames rattling violently or fists being pumped gloriously in the air.

It is also shorter, clocking in at 4:35 (and it doesn’t even become really audible until at least twenty seconds in), whereas Alpha thunders along for a good 5:38.

Make of that what you will.

There seems to be more longing in Time whereas Alpha seems more triumphant.

Maybe, if you believe there is beauty in fragility, that makes it more human.

I guess you can make of that as you will as well.

Now you know why I hate to have a commercial for a romantic comedy sprung on me. Especially one called Ticket to Paradise. Fuckin’ Clooney.