Whenever circumstances dictate that I virtually meet and greet influential people I always like to look my best. To do that, I typically wear a collared shirt. Call it convention or simply showing respect to the other members of a gathering; I don’t hesitate to whip out the business attire.
Until today anyway.
It all started with a poorly creased collar. It was sticking up. Almost defiantly. Obviously when it had been tucked in the closet after returning from the dry cleaner, the tucking had been haphazard. Poorly executed. The collar had been compromised and now, despite any attempts to flatten it out, it stayed in that state.
Serves me right for buying a shirt where the collar doesn’t have a button to take such matters out of its hands. Stick it in the closer however you like and at the first whiff of rebellion there is a button there to end such tomfoolery.
But no, I had gone with a collar that had no button.
You might wonder why I care so much about my appearance. Good question. I wonder that myself sometimes. For these virtual meetings I only use Teams as opposed to Zoom calls because I’ve figured out to change my background on Teams. A background more suited to a man of my stature. Instead of the background that actually reflects my stature.
Which really calls into question stature and how an inflated version of it can be more appropriate than what it actually is.
Either way a collar sticking straight up in the air will just not do. I don’t see myself as an oppressor but I’m still filled with the desire to hold it down. To quell the uprising. You can’t have white collar crime without a white collar… and is wanting to look one’s best really a crime? The real question is why I’m even wearing a collared shirt in the first place.
Do I want the parties viewing me to see me as buttoned down?
Collar or no collar it must be obvious to everyone after only a few minutes that I belong in a t-shirt. Like a faded Front Bottoms concert t-shirt. I might even be flattering myself with that appraisal. There might be viewers who are probably stunned that I’m even wearing a shirt. It has to be as plain as the nose on my face that what I really want is to strip off all my garments and dance nude in front of them, whether it’s included in the agenda or not.
Which really calls into question my penis and how an inflated version of it can be more appropriate than what it actually is.
Either way a penis sticking straight up in the air will just not do. I don’t see myself as an oppressor but I’m still filled with the desire to hold it down. To quell the seemingly-endless uprisings.
Which might explain why in the first paragraph I “whipped out” the business attire instead of just putting it on. It’s the people in the meetings I’m putting on.
Which really calls into question my best and how an inflated version of it can be more appropriate than what it actually is.
So I’m going to wear the collared shirt with one side sticking up, as if the shirt is flipping off anyone who is looking at it, because maybe I need the people on the other end of the virtual call to get a whiff of rebellion.
A whiff of something anyway.
It’s anyone’s guess.
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