the Z is for zero
“Blogging isn’t writing. It’s just graffiti with punctuation.”
—Elliott Gould’s character to Jude Law’s in Contagion
Now you would assume that a blogger would immediately take offense to this and lash out but instead I’d like to take a minute and think it through. First of all let me say that Contagion sucked ass. Obviously when the ‘writer’ of this movie decided to take a shot at bloggers he was assuming that because he had written a major motion picture that he was part of the ‘writer’ crowd. After watching the movie I’m sure there are plenty of writers who would not accept him into their little club. Really. That movie blew.
But that’s just sour grapes on my part so I will remove that from my clear and in-depth analysis of what drove him to take a shot at bloggers in the first place.
What I will acknowledge is that blogging is to writing as graffiti is to artwork. Again, most people will assume that I’m being nasty by saying that but in reality I’m just being honest. Anyone with a can of spray paint can be a graffiti ‘artist’ just like anyone with a computer can blog. And I will agree that most of what is thrown up on walls and websites is truly horrible but the point is that most of what sits in galleries and bookshelves isn’t much better. The only difference is the pretention that goes along with it. These insufferable loads believe that somehow because they might be able to paint a bowl of fruit or turn a phrase better than the average citizen that they are somehow ‘artists’. I don’t want to deny you your aspirations if you want to express yourself but don’t weld a lump of formless shit together and then stand at some opening with your black turtleneck and tortoise-shell glasses (and whatever other turtle-related items you feel make you appear hipper) and whine about the brie being from Wisconsin. Deep in their hearts most of the patrons at said event probably think that someone with a can a spray paint could easily improve your metallic turd and secretly wish that they were under a bridge somewhere tagging railroad cars instead of sitting looking at the collection of expensive eyesores with a bunch of brie-eating douchebags.
So Scott Z. Burns sits in his house typing Contagion and worries that the barbarians are at the gate.
What the fuck is with including your middle initial in your name Scott? Right away that indicates that you are a pompous dickhole. You think you can hide behind a big budget movie and take your shots huh? You should thank your lucky stars that somehow you got Matt Damon to prop up your films because if The Informant! sucked any harder it would collapse into a black hole. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you also produced that piece of shit An Inconvenient Truth. Want another inconvenient truth? Real writers look down on you the same way that you look down on bloggers.
Maybe that’s what is behind the comment. Fear. Fear of having the curtain pulled back and being revealed as just another lucky fuck who happened to get a movie deal. So you try and belittle bloggers, trivialize them and make them feel inferior to protect your own shoddy writing.
Who is to say that everyone on the planet shouldn’t have a blog? Or a can of spray paint? If a buttmunch like Scott Z. Burns can write a screenplay like The Bourne Ultimatum (have to admit it was pretty good) then who knows what might come out of the unwashed masses. Huddled as they might be, I believe there is something interesting in everyone. Particularly myself.
What scares the shit out of literary agents and book publishers and critics and Scott Z. Burns is that every now and then there is some graffiti that is just awesome. Breathtaking. And the breath it takes away most is from the ‘establishment’ types who want to stifle anyone and everyone who ever thought about buying a brush.
Ok, I will agree that in my opening statement I said I would not just mindlessly lash out and would instead think it through and by all appearances this blog has been heavy on the blindly lashing out and a bit light by way of thinking it through. Oh well, what do you expect… I’m just a lowly blogger.