There’s Something Here From Somewhere Else (Part 5 of 9)

(first appeared at valterramagazines.com October 2013 issue)

Meanwhile back in Ruth’s apartment sat Ruth. She was furious with herself for mentioning how it was she was able to understand the books so thoroughly. She would be ridiculed by those who didn’t believe her and dismissed as an intellectual fraud by those who did. I would at this point in the story tell you how she went to her freezer and pulled out a tub of ice cream with the intention of eating it but I know some of you have been waiting patiently for me to reveal her smokin’ bod so now is as good a time as any. To that end she stood up and decided to get in a workout on her elliptical machine.

Naked.

She thought briefly about throwing on her workout gear but such was her mood that the idea of putting on the oversized sweat pants and shapeless sweater seemed a bit pointless. Instead she threw herself into the workout with an almost savage intensity.

If you think picturing an unnecessarily shadowy office in Washington paid dividends than you’re in for a real treat here. Ruth began to glisten. Every inch of her from her manicured size 6 feet to the top of her creamy white head. Her hair, usually constrained in a ponytail, now flew in every direction in slow motion and her large breasts undulated in rhythm with her steps, up and down, up and down, although her pert nipples always remained pointing northward.

Ok, I’d better slow down a bit before I have her disappearing into her bedroom to retrieve something from her nightstand.

Anyway, I think I’ve made my point. And that point is if they ever make this into a movie I’m going to be visited by plenty of Ruth-wannabes eager to show me their treadmill skills under the misguided notion that I will somehow be influential in the casting of the part. And I will say nothing to the contrary, you can believe that.

I apologize to the non-lesbian females reading this. I realize that I might have crossed some sort of line here but let’s face it … sex sells. If I can mention that Nap shaves his pubes I certainly give a quick shout out to Ruth’s large, gravity-defying rack.

After she was done she retreated to the refrigerator where she quickly wiped out what was left in the tub labeled orange sherbet. A quick shower was followed by some late night television and the realization that tomorrow was another day. She rested her head on the pillow and closed her eyes, blissfully unaware that a black helicopter was quickly making its way for a visit.

“It’s time I put these glasses to better use. Maybe a quick reading of The Constitution tomorrow,” was her final thought before the blackness enveloped her.

Note that nobody goes to sleep in novels. Blackness envelopes them. I would have much rather said she fell asleep but that’s one of those little compromises you make as an artist. If you want a best seller, you’d better play ball; have blackness envelope whomever it wants.

Dawn broke and it had every appearance of being a beautiful day. Nap yawned and stretched as his eyes adjusted to the dim light in his motel room. Ruth yawned and stretched in her bed and began the daily routine of getting ready for work at the library. The large chiseled man would have yawned and no doubt thrown in a quick stretch if he wasn’t already fully awake with one leg hanging out of black helicopter flying low over the rooftops of the sleepy town. Unencumbered by the tasks of yawning and such he devoted himself instead to watching the tiny dots that were people below him and wondering if he could kill them from this height at this speed.

He was pretty sure he could.

Nap felt the copter before he heard it. A low drumming in the back of his head. Instinctively he moved closer to the building he was walking past and began to search the skies. Eventually he heard the drone of the blades and saw it move quickly past him.

His first and only thought was that it was there for him. Something had come up that needed his immediate participation and this was his ride. He wondered how they found him.

He looked down at the paper in his hand. Pictured on it was a small brown Labrador with the word LOST written in bold letters. There was no question that this might be the most adorable dog Nap had ever laid eyes on and as soon as he saw the flyer on the telephone pole outside the motel he knew what he was going to be doing the rest of the day. It would be tedious work but there was no danger whatsoever that finding the stray dog and returning it to its owner would in any way save the world so it sounded just like what he needed.

He was on his way to a local pet store- a lot of people who find lost dogs check there first to see if they can find out information on the dog- when he saw the black helicopter. Now his eyes went back and forth between Scrappy and the direction where he saw the copter heading. It was slowing down and he thought he might as well be polite and let them know that he had no interest in cutting his vacation short.

After all, this dog wasn’t going to find itself.

Inside the library Ruth neither heard nor saw the black helicopter. In fact she was completely engrossed in reading a copy of The Constitution.

“Holy moly me oh my, it has the N word in it,” she said to nobody in particular. She looked around to see if there was anybody within earshot because the more she read the document the more she wanted to tell somebody what was really going on in the minds of the Founding Fathers. She had no idea this was such an idealistic and outspoken group of gentlemen. She was just starting Article Four when another “Holy moly …” began to form on her lips.

It was a few paragraphs later before the “… me oh my” followed.

This time she had to tell somebody but when she looked around the library was empty except for a small group of people huddled at the entrance.

“I wonder what this is all about,” she thought to herself as she removed her glasses and began to wander over to see what all the excitement was about.

Standing in front of the double doors with his arms folded across his chest was her boss Ed. As she got closer she could see there was some sort of disturbance in the front of the library because all eyes seemed glued to the foyer and beyond. Ed was glaring at somebody with his best “What is this all about?” face on, although later some witnesses will swear it was more of a “Now where do you think you’re going?” face and Ruth was just about to touch his arm and inquire what was going on when Ed fell back limply.

A small red hole between his eyes.

The reason for the hole, and the motive behind the former “What is this all about?” face came into view in the form of a small automatic weapon being brandished by large man wearing a black mask. The remaining bystanders needed little more by way of encouragement to cease and desist with the gawking and begin a scheme heavy on the yelling and fleeing.

Ruth, after a few seconds of shock, decided that she could do without so much of the yelling but thought the fleeing part of the strategy sounded right up her alley and began to put it into effect.

The large man in the black mask took note of this and raised his weapon.