There’s Something Here From Somewhere Else – Part 9

(first appeared at valterramagazines.com October 2013 issue)

ENDING ONE (if you believe that Hindu gods exist or that supernatural forces can exert influence on reality as we know it):

All was confusion for Ruth. The only noise she could hear was the loud whine in her ear courtesy of the explosion. Her vision was blurred and the blood streaming from her nose was only acknowledged as wetness. Her breath came in ragged gulps and although she wanted to stand up her legs were not playing ball. It was all she could do to lift her head and see the men entering where the front door used to be. Her mouth moved but no words would come out.

She looked around desperately for Nap but he was nowhere to be found.

Her eyes returned to the man standing over her.

The one with the gun.

The one that shot her.

He dropped the short straw that he still held in his other hand; the one that he had assumed had sealed his fate as another Nap Lapkin victim, and picked up the reading glasses that were wedged between Ruth’s rapidly-cooling breasts.

Hours later he would walk through into an unnecessarily shadowy office in Washington and hand them to a man behind a desk.

Hours after that the Pacific Ocean would boil away and existence as humanity had come to know it would cease to exist.

Obviously this creates some real roadblocks to a sequel but if you’re going to go and introduce Hindu gods into a story then you have to be ready for these types of endings.

ENDING TWO (if you believe don’t that Hindu gods exist or that supernatural forces can exert influence on reality as we know it):

All was confusion for Ruth. The only noise she could hear was the loud whine in her ear courtesy of the explosion. Her vision was blurred and the blood streaming from her nose was only acknowledged as wetness. Her breath came in ragged gulps and although she wanted to stand up her legs were not playing ball. It was all she could do to lift her head and see the men entering where the front door used to be. Her mouth moved but no words would come out.

She looked around desperately for Nap but he was nowhere to be found.

Her eyes returned to the man standing over her.

The one with the gun.

The one that shot her.

He dropped the short straw that he still held in his other hand, the one that he had assumed had sealed his fate as another Nap Lapkin victim, and picked up the reading glasses that were wedged between Ruth’s rapidly-cooling breasts.

Hours later he would walk through into an unnecessarily shadowy office in Washington and hand them to a man behind a desk.

Hours after that man would swipe a card and gain access to a large warehouse. And when I say large I mean Raiders of the Lost Ark warehouse-where-they-stick-the-Ark-of-the-Covenant-at-the-end-of-the-movie large. The kind of warehouse where you have to pan out for at least a minute before you get any sense of how large it is.

In case you’re wondering, which you really shouldn’t be because I said nothing that would lead you to believe that Nap Lapkin wasn’t a man of his word, Nap had made tracks the second he realized that he was once again being put in the middle of some apocalyptic scenario.

Somewhere between the hours it took the man who killed Ruth to deliver the glasses and the hours it took for the man behind the desk to become the man formerly behind the desk and be transformed into the man in the enormous warehouse, Nap was able to locate Scrappy and return him to his relieved owner.

He pocketed the $50 reward and climbed back into his ’78 LeMans.

His vacation wasn’t over yet. He cranked up the radio.

Heute zieh’ ich meine Runden Seh’ die Welt in Trümmern liegen Hab’ ‘nen Luftballon gefunden Denk’ an dich und lass’ ihn fliegen

And that’s that.