Twas the Night Before Christmas (as written by a self-published author)

It was the night before Xmas and throughout the house

Nothing was moving, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
Hoping St Nicholas would soon be there.

The kids were all snuggled down deep in their beds,
While boxes of candy marched around in their heads.
Mother in her sweat pants, and I sporting naught but a cap,
Had just settled in for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter,
I jumped from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like the Flash,
Ripped open the shutters and pulled up the sash.

The moon shining down on the new-fallen snow
Made everything appear all shiny below.
When, what  right in front of my eyes should appear,
But a really small sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a tubby old driver, so nimble and quick,
I realized at once it must be St Nick.
Faster than eagles his reindeer they came,
And he hooted, and hollered, and called them by name!

“Hey Dasher! hey, Dancer! hey, Prancer and Vixen!
Yo, Comet! Yo, Cupid! Hey Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! get up that wall!
All for one and one for all!”

Like dry leaves in a hurricane fly,
When they run into an obstacle, get hurled into the sky.
Up to the roof his reindeer they flew,
With a sleigh packed with Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then seconds later, I heard on the roof
The scratching and clawing of each little hoof.
As I ducked back in, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, PETA would stamp down their foot,
An obvious smoker, he was covered with ashes and soot.
A big bag of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a vagrant, digging into his pack.

His eyes were twinkling! his demeanor so merry!
His cheeks were all rosy, his nose like a cherry!
His funny little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held clutched in his teeth,
And the smoke it surrounded his head like a wreath.
He had a giant face and a big ol’ fat belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was tubby and plump, a right cheerful old elf,
And the laugh when I saw him I kept to myself!
A wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
He made sure I knew I had nothing to dread.

Not a word did he say, but went straight to his work,
Filled up the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And putting a finger next to his nose,
He gave a quick nod and up the chimney he rose!

He jumped in his sleigh, then gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the inside of a thistle.
But I heard him yell out, as he drove out of sight,
“Happy Xmas to all, and to all a good-night!”