three dumb thoughts

Not all ideas can be flushed out into stories. Here are three such ideas;

There’s nothing worse than a baby that looks old. You see them now and then, the kind of baby that looks forty at birth and you’re convinced that they’ll be able to walk into a liquor store and buy beer at eight.

I think it’s particularly prevalent in the Indian community.

Indian as in the ones that scalped people whenever they got the chance, back in the day, teepees and whatnot, not the ones that provide us IT support over the phone. You know the ones, the guy who introduces himself as “Tim” but you’re almost positive that his first name begins with a V.

An old-looking Indian baby looks like Sitting Bull with no hair.

When you try and imagine what they look like when they turn 50 your head spins a bit.

What I really wish there was more of is theaters that only employed actors with really bad memories. When I stumbled upon such a theater I immediately bought a season pass. Right now they’re doing Romeo and Juliet. I’ve seen it six nights in a row and it never ends the same. Last night Romeo ended up surviving and walking away from the whole poisoning thing and the night before there was a carriage chase that lasted ten minutes.

No need to issue a spoiler alert because every night there are plenty of pauses and twists and turns.

The important thing to understand is that it’s NOT improv. I, like everybody else on the planet, detest improv. The only improv that is tolerable is when you and your friends get drunk and someone ‘improvs’ themselves through a screen door.

This type of theater is wonderful because all of the actors are trying their very best to present the material as written but have really bad memories and can’t remember their lines after the first three or four minutes.

That’s when the magic begins. Everyone trying to recover and move the plot along, but inevitably it goes off the rails and the audience is treated to a completely new version of the material. The easier the cast gets flustered, the better.

I know what you’re thinking, why not cast an actor with Alzheimer’s as Romeo? While I like where your head is at, I think that might be taking it a bit too far.

Although I’m willing to give it a shot at a matinee show. I’m not one to shy away from innovation.

Looking forward to next month when they begin West Side Story.

Sometimes when I’m lying in bed and start to feel the need to go to the bathroom I imagine my anus as a shotgun and my large intestine is loading in shells. Sometimes I can almost hear it.