what’s in a name?

(originally posted 5/3/2020)

Jenny had a problem.

Her anniversary was fast approaching and she’d decided to make a grand gesture towards her boyfriend by writing him a poem. She liked to consider herself the artistic type and felt that by expressing her feelings through verse that she’d make a favorable impression on the man that she loved so dearly. Really pull out all the stops. Put it all out there. Emote. She’d read that was the key to a healthy relationship.

The aforementioned problem?

His name was Rob.

It wasn’t long after she collected the requisite pen and paper that this started to become an issue.

Even his name as a verb was problematic. Rob; to take something from someone by unlawful force or threat of violence. Hardly the stuff of romance.

Rob. Snob.

Rob. Blob.

Why was he doing this to her?

Why couldn’t he be a Kris? Kris had bliss. Or a Roy? Joy.

Nope. She was stuck with Rob. Why did he always have to be so damn uncooperative? She’d snuck in glee with he but she also wanted to work in happy (definitely a priority for her), but they’d been together for over two year, way too late to give him the nickname Pappy. Or Crappy… as in ‘crappy boyfriend’.

Brad had glad and Miles had smiles. Miles and miles of smiles.

Rob had sob.

Jerry. Merry.

Rob. Slob.

Bill. Thrill.

Rob. Macabre.

This was just like him. Stubborn. Difficult. Steadfastly refusing to be anything but Rob.

Even Justin was thrustin’.

The best he could do was throb.

Knob.

It was like he wasn’t even trying. His name might as well be Orange.

Finally she knew what to write…

Dear Rob;

I think it’s time we see people with other names.

Sincerely,

Jenny